Science says marry the right person and you’ll be more successful, except for 1 (very personal) catch

Want to be wealthier? Get married. According to a study published in Journal of Sociology, the net worth of a married person grows approximately 75 percent more during their thirties, forties, and fifties than the net worth of an unmarried person. (That’s per person in the relationship, not per couple.)

Want to make a higher income, and feel more satisfied with your job? Get married. A Washington University in St. Louis study found that people with relatively prudent and reliable partners tend to perform better at work, earning more promotions, making more money, and feeling more satisfied with their jobs.

What the researchers call “partner conscientiousness” predicts future job satisfaction, income, and likelihood of promotion (even after factoring in the participants’ original level of conscientiousness). According to the researchers, “conscientious” partners perform more household tasks, exhibit more pragmatic behaviors that their spouses are likely to emulate, and promote a more satisfying home life, all of which enables their spouse to focus more on work.

As one researcher said, “These results demonstrate that the dispositional characteristics of the person one marries influence important aspects of one’s professional life.” Or in non-researcher-speak, a good partner sets a good example and helps create an environment where you can be a better you. 

Other data backs up the above findings. A 2021 Census Bureau report found that married adults tend to earn substantially more than unmarried adults, and have three times the net worth. A 2021 Bureau of Labor Statistics survey found that married couples spend about $10,000 less per person than unmarried people. Making more and spending less? Great formula for a higher net worth.

That’s why deciding whom to marry is one of the most important decisions you’ll make where your overall happiness, career prospects, and financial success are concerned.

Clearly, you have to choose the right person to spend your life with.

But just as clearly, you have to choose to be the kind of partner they deserve to spend their life with.

For example, a study published in Journal of Physical Activity and Health found that people in romantic relationships exercise less than people who are single, especially where moderate to vigorous physical activity (running, lifting weights, cycling, etc.) is concerned.

Why? Become a couple and you’re more likely to do couples things: eat meals together, watch TV together, hang out together. Over time, “Let’s go to the gym” is much less likely to top the list, even if you consistently exercised before you became a couple.

As the researchers write:

For those with a partner, current (exercise) levels are substantially lower when the partner is present than when the partner is absent. When partners spend leisure-time activities apart, their (exercise) levels are higher than those of individuals without a partner.
The results suggest that it is not the mere existence of a romantic relationship but the current co-presence with a partner that affects physical activity behavior.

Bottom line? Spending time together means you’re a lot less likely to exercise.

And then there’s this. A study published in Health Psychology found that after four years in a stable relationship, people tend to gain significantly more weight than they would from the natural result of aging. A Social Science & Medicine study found that people in a long-term relationship are more likely to gain weight, and less likely to exercise. (Unsurprisingly, the study also found that when a relationship ends, people tend to lose weight and exercise more.)

When time together feels short, going to the gym doesn’t sound like couples time. Granted, you’re together . . . but only in proximity. The researchers also speculate that feeling secure in a relationship tends to cause people to focus less on their appearance, and therefore less on healthy behaviors, like exercise and diet, that affect appearance.

Which takes us back to whom you choose to marry. Clearly you shouldn’t choose your life partner on the basis of how “conscientious” they are, or whether you think they not only eat well and exercise but will continue to eat well and exercise. To paraphrase the Washington University in St. Louis researchers, marrying a conscientious partner “could sound like a recipe for a rigid and lackluster lifestyle.”

But it does appear that having a conscientious and prudent partner—both in a practical sense, and in a healthy lifestyle sense—is an ingredient in the recipe for a better, more rewarding career, and for a healthier and longer life.

So what should you do? Instead of expecting your partner to change some of their habits, think about what you can do to be more supportive of their goals. In a practical sense, maybe you can take on managing the finances. Or take care of more household chores, or repairs, maintenance—the things that keep your trains running on time.

After all, the best way to lead is by example.

Take health and fitness. You can decide to make exercising and eating better a priority, and do things to support that goal. You can take on the grocery shopping. You can cook some meals. You can fix a healthy lunch for your partner to take to work. You can choose to be the “conscientious” one.

That’s the real key. Marrying the right person helps, but being the right person to have married—being supportive, encouraging, and leading by example—is the best way to help your marriage be successful, both practically and, more important, emotionally.

Because the person you choose to marry matters—but what you do for your partner, and what that does for your relationship, matters most.

—Inc.