Your President Is A Baby, And The Nobel Prize Winner Gave Him His Bottle

Generations from now, the history books will be hilarious. At the very least, the chapters that cover the two presidencies of President Donald Trump will be a literal riot.

If current and future historians record the truth of this era, the books will read like a series of half-satirical novels— the chronicles of the bumbling, blubbering baby of an oaf who thought himself king.

A year ago, around 77 million Americans re-elected a 79-year-old five-year-old to the White House, and since then, the commander-in-goo-goo-MAGA has been kicking and screaming about how he should win the Nobel Peace Prize, how unfair it is that former President Barack Obama—the president Trump led a blatantly bigoted birther campaign to discredit—received the coveted prize that he keeps getting denied.

Trump has argued that he should get multiple medals for being an international peace-keeper, claiming sole credit for wars he says he ended—while being vague about which wars, how he’s responsible for ending them, and/or name-dropping nations that are still in conflict.

So, yes, the president—whose administration is bombing boats over drugs it can’t prove exist, and insisting that being a “superpower” means it can take control of any nation it wants—is convinced that the only reason he hasn’t been awarded a Nobel Peace Prize is that the Nobel decision makers are big, meanie poopy-heads who won’t share their toys.

Well, fortunately for our toddler-in-good-grief, 2025 Nobel Peace Prize recipient María Corina Machado, the Venezuelan opposition leader, appears to view him as an ally (or a dunce she can use to her advantage), which may have something to do with him being the guy who kidnapped the Venezuelan president she opposes and all. Whatever the reason, Machado sees Trump as anything other than a tyrant whose hand should burn at the touch of a peace medal. On Wednesday, Jan. 14, she told reporters outside the White House that she had “presented” him with her Nobel Peace Prize medal.

And Trump, of course, stood there with that same goofy-ass look on his face that he had when he accepted FIFA’s participation “peace prize.”

See what I mean?

Mews outlets had been speculating for weeks that Machado, who had previously expressed admiration for the president, might hand over her award to him. Trump, of course, always tried to be cool about it, pretending he didn’t even want the stinky prize, even though they should have given him eight of them for the eight wars he imagined himself ending while he played with his human G.I. Joe toys—by which I mean the National Guard troops and the federal agents he has weaponized against his own citizens.

Trump is a living, breathing 24-hour temper tantrum, who calls reporters “piggy” and “stupid” when the questions become too hard for his infantile brain to wrap a lie around, and he’s so easy to appease that he’ll take an award with someone else’s name on it.

As Reuters reported: “The Nobel Peace Prize remains inseparably linked to the person or organization that won it, though the medal can be given away, the Norwegian Nobel Committee said on Friday, a day after last year’s winner gave her medal to U.S. President Donald Trump.”

Machado basically dangled her keys in front of Trump to get him to stop whining about how everybody hates him for at least a little while.

Biggest, dumbest, oldest baby in American history—that’s what the history books should teach.

What a time to hope you stay alive!

SEE ALSO:

What Does Venezuela’s Oil Mean To The United States?

Trump Admin’s Lawlessness On Full Display In Unhinged Venezuela Attack