Man Donates  Body To   Culinary    Science

HYDE PARK, NY—Saying their beloved family patriarch had wanted to make one final contribution to the world he was leaving behind, relatives of the late Jasper Weaver confirmed Tuesday that he had donated his body to culinary science. “Dad always said he didn’t want his body to just rot in the ground when there was so much humanity could learn by vacuum-sealing it with aromatics in a 135-degree water bath for two hours before finishing with a quick sear,” said Weaver’s son Jacob, adding that researchers at the Culinary Institute of America would use the deceased 83-year-old’s cadaver to explore the deepest mysteries of the Maillard reaction. “It was his last wish to advance the field of gastronomy. I believe it brought Dad real comfort to think that his donated tissue could help researchers enhance the mouthfeel of tomato bisques after he was gone. There’s still so much we don’t know about what happens to the human brain when it’s combined with eggplant and a little tahini, or how the human liver holds up in a pâté, but thanks to him, culinary science is one step closer to unlocking all the flavors of the human body.” At press time, Weaver’s family had reportedly received a small urn containing a portion of his cracklings for burial. 

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