White House Plumber Reminds Staff That Only Donald J. Trump Commemorative Food Waste May Be Placed Down Donald J. Trump Commemorative Garbage Disposal

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that he was only going to tell them this one more time, White House plumber Terry Robertson reminded staff Monday that only Donald J. Trump Commemorative Food Waste could be placed down the Donald J. Trump Commemorative Garbage Disposal. “Please, people, I’m begging you—we don’t want to clog the Donald J. Trump Commemorative Sewer Line,” said Robertson, who urged White House personnel to put all Donald J. Trump Commemorative Coffee Grounds, Donald J. Trump Commemorative Potato Peels, and Donald J. Trump Commemorative Cooking Oil into the Donald J. Trump Commemorative Garbage Receptacle, where it belonged. “This isn’t just any kitchen, okay? This is the Donald J. Trump Commemorative Kitchen, so let’s show some respect. And while we’re on the topic of respect, let’s try to remember that Donald J. Trump Commemorative Feminine Hygiene Products cannot be flushed without me having to use the Donald J. Trump Commemorative Plunger.” At press time, the frustrated plumber was reportedly threatening to march right into the Donald J. Trump Commemorative Walk-In Freezer and “blow [his] goddamn brains out.”

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