Dear Abby: Daughter is failing at being a good mother
DEAR ABBY: I have three daughters with children of their own. Every year, we have a family vacation. My daughter "Monica's" children, ages 8 and 9, whom I love and see regularly, behave badly. They cuss, yell at adults and show no respect whatsoever.
We have brought this to Monica's attention multiple times. She always reacts like we are wrong and says, "I'm not going to beat my kids." At no time did we imply she should "beat" her kids, just give them a time-out or a scolding. If any of us tell them "Stop, please don't do that," they act like victims. It's so bad that one of my other daughters told us as we were planning a vacation that she will not be going because of Monica's kids' behavior.
Monica accuses us of not liking her kids and being mean. She goes to the school to argue with teachers and the principal if her kids tell her they didn't get their way. I don't know what her issue is. Her reasons sound like she is mentally ill. Anything you can recommend? — NOT ENABLING IN NEVADA
DEAR NOT ENABLING: Monica is a terrible parent. A responsible mother would see that her children learn appropriate behavior before they get into serious trouble. Because you cannot help your daughter to see reality, I recommend you stop inviting Monica and her children on these vacations. Their behavior is unacceptable, and their cousins should not be further influenced by their bad example.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 70-year-old male caring for my 71-year-old wife. She has had health issues for more than 10 years. I own my own business and am the only employee, although my wife does help me with a portion of the business. Dealing with all her health issues, trying to run a business, trying to survive financially and navigating the world today is difficult.
I am seeking resources or a support group in my area that works with people who care for their family members. We have been to counseling, which helped, but did not help me with all that I feel and have to do. I don't think my wife could navigate this world on her own. Can you point me in the right direction? — RESPONSIBLE IN TEXAS
DEAR RESPONSIBLE: You are carrying a heavy load. An organization called The Caregiver Action Network (formerly the National Family Caregivers Association) may be what you are seeking. Established in 1992, it works to improve the quality of life for tens of millions of family caregivers, providing education, peer support and resources to family caregivers across the country free of charge. For more information, go to caregiveraction.org or call 855-277-3640.
DEAR READERS: Today, we remember the birthday of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. who in 1968 was martyred in the cause of civil rights. During a time of insanity, his was a voice of reason when he eloquently preached, "Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend."
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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