Giddy Trump Struts All Around White House With Nobel Peace Prize In Mouth

WASHINGTON—Panting excitedly as he trotted from room to room displaying his prized possession, a giddy President Donald Trump was reportedly seen Friday strutting all around the White House with a Nobel Peace Prize in his mouth. “Aw, you can tell the president really loves that thing—he even hides it under his bed at night with his ball and his favorite rabbit toy,” said Secret Service agent Douglas Colman, adding that the Peace Prize’s 24-karat gold plating was holding up remarkably well against all of Trump’s slobber. “We were a little worried he could break a tooth on it at first, but he just growls at anyone who tries to take it away from him. Besides, gold’s soft, right? He’s definitely leaving a lot of bite marks in it. We should send that nice Machado lady a picture to show her how much he loves it. Just look at that smile! That’s one proud commander-in-chief. Okay, Mr. President, you’ve got to drop it so you can eat your dinner now. C’mon, dinnertime! Drop it!” At press time, Colman was heard wearily calling for his colleagues to get Marine One ready to go to Walter Reed after Trump swallowed the medal.

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