China is becoming more sexually liberal – if you are a man

Sexual attitudes have relaxed significantly in China since the Mao era. Approaching the 50th anniversary of Mao Zedong’s death and the subsequent end of the cultural revolution, there has been a significant de-politicisation of everyday life that some are calling a sexual revolution.

China’s opening up to the outside world has facilitated a gradual relaxation of sexual morality and widespread media discussion of sex and intimacy. But increasingly, it is clear that while sexual behaviour is liberalising in China, it is still closely influenced by traditional views, leaving women less liberated than men.

The American-Chinese documentary Mistress Dispellers (2024) reignited western interest in sex, love and intimacy trends in China – but especially, how men and women experience these developments differently.

It explores the recent phenomenon of professionals who help women remove a lover from their adulterous husband’s life. These paid persuaders deceive their way into the lives of cheating husbands and then, by ousting the extra lover, seek to restore monogamous harmony.

But how did such an extraordinary industry emerge in China? My recently published book, Embedded Generations, offers a comprehensive overview of Chinese family practices, including sexual behaviour seen through the eyes of three generations.

Generational shifts

Sex outside marriage has steadily become more commonplace in China. But for the oldest generation I studied, born in the 1930s and ’40s, courtship was the norm as they entered marriage in the Mao era (1949-76). During these years, the Chinese Communist Party enforced heterosexual marriage throughout the country, with premarital virginity emphasised as a virtue for both men and women.

During the Cultural Revolution (1966-76), the open expression of physical intimacy was forbidden. Social norms, as well as fear of political criticism and attack, meant that almost all men and women of the oldest generation denied any involvement in sex outside marriage.

But after Mao’s death, the modernising reforms under Deng Xiaoping enabled more “liberal” trends for the middle generation, born in the 1960s and ’70s. This was especially true for men, who for the first time could admit to having premarital sex. However, female virginity remained important as a condition of marriage, meaning most women of this generation still denied having pre-marital sex.

A turning point came in the late 1990s, when many barriers to premarital sex were eliminated. Sex outside marriage was legalised after the removal of the potential charge of hooliganism that had acted as a deterrence for so long.

Practical obstacles were overcome, including with the relaxation of university regulations on intimacy restrictions. While dormitories are still single-sex, there is a growing availability of leisure opportunities that include an increasing number of hotels near university campuses.

Most notably of all, the rapid growth of internet use has been hugely influential, helping to spread information about sexual behaviour.

Still a man’s world

The younger generation now regards sex as a key part of a loving relationship. But there is still a lingering cultural emphasis on the value of female virginity, highlighting different social expectations for men and women.

Within this lies a contradiction. Young men expect their girlfriends to be willing to have sex as a demonstration of love and commitment. Yet many also expect their brides to be virgins. This is a considerable source of tension and anxiety for many young women.

This means women who openly embrace feminist principles to assert their sexual agency and pleasure remain in the minority. Most are still conservative in outlook and behaviour. Despite the increased incidence of premarital sex, the number of young women’s sexual partners before marriage (on average, one) is not noticeably different from women of older generations.

Reflecting these broad changes, 80% of male and 60% of my female interviewees from the younger generation, born in the 1980s and ’90s, admitted having sex before marriage – but mostly with the person they were planning to marry. The younger generation also shows a growing tolerance towards extramarital affairs. However, in this regard too, women remain more constrained by traditional social norms.

As well as these unequal social norms, the Chinese job market still rewards men more than women. This means in later life, men tend to have accumulated more wealth and status, and so are regarded as still desirable. In contrast, an older woman in a lower-paid job might be regarded as less attractive in the dating market.

As wives have children and grow older, they may need to find ways to prevent their husbands from abandoning their families – which is where the mistress dispeller comes in. Typically, only wealthier and young urban women without children feel able to initiate divorce.

That said, many married men, including those with lovers outside their marriages, have remained cautious in initiating divorce proceedings. The often considerable financial costs of divorce in China, particularly when children are involved, act as a barrier. Under Chinese law, the spouse involved in an extramarital affair is the guilty party and so must carry the financial penalty. These can be so steep that men risk losing their life savings, meaning that divorce in these situations is still less common.

My research helps show that while sex outside marriage has become more normalised in China, sexual attitudes are held in check by deep-rooted traditional views. This has created an environment that disproportionately favours men and a privileged elite, leaving many wives no option but to find help from mistress dispellers when their husbands cheat. Anyone speaking of a sexual revolution in China needs to bear this in mind.

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Jieyu Liu receives funding from European Research Council (grant agreement No. 640488).