Conservatives Say Renée Good Was Brainwashed By Bible Into Loving Thy Neighbor

WASHINGTON—Calling her actions “indefensible,” Vice President JD Vance stated Thursday that Renée Good was brainwashed by the Bible into loving thy neighbor. “The fact of the matter is that Renée Good was radicalized by these deranged, left-wing texts,” said Vance, whose response to the death of the 37-year-old Minneapolis mother was reiterated across social media by MAGA voters and GOP lawmakers who emphasized that the blame for her slaying lay squarely on the Scriptures that had “poisoned” her mind. “She was obsessed. I don’t know who ‘Matthew’ and ‘Mark’ are, if those are even their real names, but they should know that they will not escape accountability. Frankly, we should deport everybody who follows this insanity. There’s no ‘Golden Rule’ in U.S. immigration code.” At press time, the Department of Justice had reportedly launched an investigation after receiving a tip that there was a whole fringe network of these so-called “followers of Christ.”

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