Marin Voice: No complaints and no regrets, just ‘remember Frankie’
Thirty-three years ago, I wrote my first “Remember Frankie” commentary in the Marin Independent Journal. It is this mother’s annual remembrance of my younger son, Frankie Poulos, who was killed in a crossover collision on Highway 37 on Jan. 11, 1993.
“No complaints and no regrets; I still believe in chasing dreams and placing bets.”
Those are the opening lyrics of “Here’s to Life,” sung beautifully by Shirley Horn. I have always loved the song. But 33 years ago, it took on an entirely different meaning.
On Jan. 10, 1993, I had no idea that day would be my last day with my youngest son.
It never occurred to me that I would reach 80, very much alive — and Frankie would not. We don’t live expecting the unthinkable. I didn’t then, and I still don’t. Fear would not have given us more time.
Still, the truth remains: No day is guaranteed.
Many family members and friends are quite certain they will be reunited with loved ones in an afterlife. I am not as sure of that, though I would of course welcome it. Losing Frankie did not resolve with time. We felt no need to “resolve” it. His life is embedded in ours.
Our older son, Jimmy Poulos, and daughter-in-law, Melissa Anderson, are thriving — real life, right here, right now. We have a circle of family and friends we love deeply. Talking about Frankie is not taboo. It brings us closer to him — and to each other.
Frankie was not an easy kid during his high school years. He had not yet owned his gifts. Like many teenagers, he cared too much about what others thought of him. We stayed the course. We did not give up on him finding who he was. He was just beginning to be comfortable in his own skin.
His father and I are grateful that, for the most part, we have no regrets about how we loved and raised him.
You know all the familiar sayings: “Today is the first day of the rest of your life”; “No day but today”: and “Live like there is no tomorrow”.
I experienced them differently in 1993. Frankie’s father, Jim Poulos, led us out of the darkness. In partnership with Jeff Prugh, then IJ editorial page editor, and his successor, Brad Breithaupt, plus then-state Sen. Mike Thompson and then-Assemblymember Kerry Mazzoni, Jim fought successfully to convince the California Department of Transportation to install a concrete median barrier on Highway 37.
As a result of their leadership and persistence, on June 16, 1995, Caltrans agreed and announced that Highway 37 would get a concrete barrier. Jim said at the time, “If it was an accident, I will let it go. But if it could have been prevented, I will devote my life to making sure it never happens again.”
From 1991 to 1995, 28 fatal crossover accidents occurred on that deadly 10-mile stretch. Since the barrier has been installed, crossover fatal collisions have ceased. This is a testament to what can happen when competent, caring, and committed people work together.
Inspired by Jim’s work on Highway 37 in 1994, Frankie’s friends and family created the Frankie Poulos Foundation. The foundation’s annual fundraising campaign – fueled by hope – has inspired people from all over the world to become one of “Frankie’s Angels.” Hope is a universal language. When donations come in from nine countries thousands of miles away to the Frankie Poulos Foundation in Novato, it is hope for the future of the world through our children that inspired them.
As of this writing, over $421,000 has been raised for nonprofit youth organizations in the Novato community where Frankie grew up. These organizations dedicate themselves to the development of young people and they need our support.
On behalf of Austin Wondolowski, the foundation’s vice president, Jim Poulos (treasurer), Jimmy Poulos (brother), Melissa Anderson (sister-in-law), the family of Emily Gates (godmother) and me, please accept our heartfelt thanks and gratitude for your generous community support in Frankie’s memory.
I end every year by asking that you “remember Frankie.”
Kelly Poulos of Santa Rosa is president of the Frankie Poulos Foundation. For more information about the organization, go to frankiepoulos.org.