Adjust expectations: Navigating the holiday blues

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. It sounds catchy in a song, but for many, this time of year can feel anything but wonderful. Feelings of loneliness, sadness or even depression are common, yet they can leave us wondering if or why something is wrong with us when everyone else seems to have it all together. This time of year should seem like a Hallmark Christmas movie full of singing carols, family gatherings and festive memories. If you have ever felt out of sync with the cheer around you, let me assure you… you are not alone.

Loneliness and depression tend to skyrocket this time of year. These feelings do not just affect your emotions; they can also take a real toll on your health. Research shows that loneliness can be as harmful as smoking or obesity, increasing the risk of heart disease, stroke and even suicide. While older adults often feel the impact the most, the truth is, that anyone can feel the weight of loneliness during a season so focused on being together. In fact, three out of five Americans say the holidays negatively affect their mental health, reminding us how tough this time of year can be for so many.

I’ve spent decades counseling individuals and families, and one thing is clear… the holiday season seems to magnify the stressors and pressure you feel. This time of year can stir up deep and troubling emotions from financial strain, the empty seat at the table or challenging family dynamics that will juice the jingle out of you. Unsaid or unmet expectations, social pressures and bittersweet memories can make the holidays even harder, often leaving people feeling stressed, overwhelmed and alone.

The good news is that you don’t have to face these feelings on your own. While loneliness can be difficult to navigate, there are small, intentional steps you can take to fight back, protect your mental health and rediscover connection and community.

Practical steps for coping with the holiday blues and loneliness

1. Acknowledge what you are feeling

Even though you may not think it, many others share the type of feelings you have. The odds are that they are scared to share them, thinking they just need to push through. One of the first steps you can take toward healing is knowing and acknowledging where you are emotionally. It’s okay to feel lonely or sad during the holidays, but don’t wallow in it and don’t stay there.

2. Reach out and connect

Asking for help is one of the hardest things to do. It feels uncomfortable, but taking the first step toward connection is a game changer. Reach out to someone you trust, whether it’s a friend, family member, or mental health professional. Processing your feelings with someone you know, trust or feel safe with can help you gain perspective and feel less isolated. Shine some light in the darkness. Many churches offer groups or programs during this time of the year to help people feel connected.

3. Take care of yourself

Self-care is critical during this season and making your well-being a priority can significantly impact when you feel down or lonely. Getting enough sleep, choosing healthier foods and going for a walk outside are all key aspects of proper self-care. These small, simple actions can help you feel recharged and energetic.

4. Adjust expectations

The holiday season often brings lofty expectations. Perfect family get-togethers, celebrations and joy at every turn. Hear me, it is okay to let go of the pressure to make everything perfect. Instead, focus on what you do have and find gratitude in the little things that bring you joy. Remembering to say thanks is a game-changer.

5. Serve others

Helping others during the holidays can be one of the best ways to find community and purpose. Send a kind Christmas card or send a text to someone. Volunteering at a charity, sharing a meal with someone in need or visiting an elderly neighbor are simple ways to feel more connected. Churches also have outreach programs this time of year that provide wonderful serving opportunities.

Remember your circumstances or feelings do not define you. How you respond to this does. My prayer for and with you is that you feel seen and valued, and know you are deeply loved by those around you and by the God who created you. The one who gave His only son — the Christ child so we could have a relationship with God.

I hope you will take some time to reflect on God’s love for you this Christmas season. John 3:16 and Isaiah 9:6.

Merry Christmas — love has come.