Asking Eric: People think the neighbor kids are mine, but I’m as annoyed by them as anyone

Dear Eric: I own a few cars that I park on the street in front of my house, in a cul-de-sac.

Some toddlers and preschool kids from the rental house next door to mine are learning how to ride a bike. They circle constantly in front of my house.

The neighbors have several cars. They park all over the street, and do not use the driveway.

They are not watching or teaching the kids how to ride or even to stay out of the road as cars come through. But that’s another issue.

My question is, do I have any rights as a homeowner and county resident to ask the renters to stay away from the area in front of my house and the cars parked in front?

My concern being the kids might hit my cars, and it’s actually annoying to see them in front of my house for hours. People think these are my kids and think I’m not watching them.

What can I do?

– Neighborhood Watch

Dear Watch: Depending on how much space there is on your street, I’m not sure it’s reasonable to ask the neighbors to keep their cars away or to keep their kids off the street. If you have an HOA, there may be some guidance there, but in general the street is for everyone.

If you’re noticing that the children are behaving dangerously or if you’re finding that the neighbors’ cars are taking up more than their share of spaces, you should alert the parents, through a calm, civil conversation.

If I’m reading this correctly, you have a few cars on the street and the neighbors have a few cars on the street, but you don’t want them to park on the street. If this is the case, I’d presume it’s because they’re renters and you’re a homeowner. I’d encourage you to let go of that belief.

Indeed, a lot of your frustration could be alleviated by simply talking to all your neighbors. Is it really true that other neighbors think these are your kids? If they haven’t bothered to talk to you, then what does it matter?

Respectfully, your annoyance is not your neighbors’ responsibility. You can ask for what you want but also listen when your neighbors respond with what they want. Peaceful coexistence is the goal, and that’s not going to happen if one person is dictating what can and can’t happen in the neighborhood.

Dear Eric: Three friends and I planned an eight-day cruise in January.

Two other people found out about the trip and are now coming as well. We are fine with that but are not looking to make it a larger group, and I am definitely not looking to turn into the “cruise director” for the group as often seems to happen.

There is one friend that we feel is going to be very upset when she finds out about the cruise and feel personally excluded. And to be honest, she kind of was.

While we have been careful not to talk about the trip in general so as not to encourage other people to say they want to come along, we have very specifically not mentioned the trip to this person because she tends to be very negative and those of us going on the trip can really only take her in small doses.

Sad to say, none of us really wants to spend what should be a fun vacation with her bringing us down. She doesn’t see this behavior in herself but everyone else does.

I’m torn whether to mention this trip to her in advance or let her find out about it on her own, most likely from social media. And if I let the information drop, I’m not sure how to do it. I know she’s going to be upset either way. Any advice?

– Anxious Cruiser

Dear Cruiser: I’d be inclined to suggest you say nothing if it weren’t for the sticky issue of the truth. It’s perfectly fine for a subset of a friend group to decide to do something that doesn’t necessarily involve the rest of the group. Bruised feelings might occur, but this isn’t in and of itself a betrayal.

But you’ve purposefully been trying to exclude this one friend, something that she might correctly infer should she find out about the trip through social media.

This is your right, of course, but you have to own your choices. To that end, think about what you personally desire from this friendship. It won’t help you to speak for the group – and hearing “we all think this” never feels great. But you have an individual connection to this friend that may or may not be damaged by the group’s decision. Let that connection guide your actions.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.