Young people are lying about work to their families at the holidays

To quote Vince Vaughn in Four Christmases: “You can’t spell ‘families’ without ‘lies.’” That’s a cynical view, for sure, but when it comes to talking about one particular thing around the family dinner table at the holidays, it might be especially true.

That thing? Work.

According to a recent survey, young people are seriously bending the truth when it comes to talking to family members about their professional lives. The survey of 2,000 young U.S. adults (ages 21 to 35) from the digital skills course provider Elvtr found that a third have bailed on family events simply to avoid conversations about their jobs or career progress. 

Even more say they have stretched the truth: A staggering 58% of young professionals have lied about their jobs, whether that means downplaying or exaggerating their success. 

Interestingly, there’s a pretty big gender divide when it comes to how young people misrepresent their work life. Men were about twice as likely as women to inflate their success while talking to family. Women, meanwhile, downplayed their income, success, or responsibilities. 

Per the report, if a promotion or raise occurred, “some women reported understating their accomplishments around relatives, whereas men more often admitted to inflating theirs.”

Talking about jobs seems to get more stressful the more infrequently people see their families, which is why holiday visits can stir up so much anxiety. Those who spend time with family only once a year reported stress at a higher rate: 44% of those who saw their relatives annually said they were anxious about work chat, while only 25% of those who saw their families more regularly shared the concern. 

Roman Peskin, CEO of Elvtr, says that a big part of why people lie to their families about work over the holidays may have to do with sibling rivalry. “All the sibling comparisons and proving to your grandma that you’ve made it in the big city add up fast. What’s striking is that the influence doesn’t stop at the dinner table,” Peskin stated in a press release. About 55% of respondents report that such comparisons happen sometimes, and 19% say they happen frequently. 

The CEO also notes that young people allow the weight of family approval to dictate their work decisions at a surprisingly high rate. Nearly half (45%) have considered or made career changes due to family expectations. And 22% would actually sacrifice their dream job in favor of family approval. 

“So maybe skip the classic ‘Why aren’t you a doctor yet?’ or ‘Your cousin just got promoted’ lines this Christmas,” Peskin urges. “Well-meaning advice can push young adults down paths that aren’t theirs to take.”

Likewise, the anxiety seems more intense for the youngest workers, perhaps because they are just starting out in their careers and feel more pressure to show their success. (Or maybe it’s because they’re the anxious generation.) 

Overall, 35% are very or somewhat stressed about the conversation, and 42% in their 20s are stressed. Only 29% of those in their 30s say the same; suggesting that the older one gets, the less inclined that person may be to care deeply about their family’s take on their job. 

While job questions can be stressful, young people can rest easy. Eventually, family members will switch to the dreaded “So, when are you giving us a grandbaby?”