‘I started to have nightmares about things I’d done and seen, and I’d sometimes wake up screaming and shouting. I became extremely angry and irritated, and all I wanted to do was fight. One day, after taking out three targets from a mile away, it all came crashing down.’ These are the words of Ted Shirley, a former British Army sniper and PTSD advocate, whose experience both on the battlefield and life after war has culminated in an enthralling new read: Afghanistan Sniper: Trauma on the Frontline and Beyond. (Picture: Ted Shirley)
Let’s backtrack. Ted was just 20 years old when he joined the army in 2007. A year later, he had embarked on his first tour of Afghanistan. By the time he was 22, having navigated his second and final tour of the warzone, Ted had killed more men than he cared to remember. But this career path was a non-negotiable for the young Welshman: a life in the forces was in his blood. His father had fought in the Navy during the Falklands War, and Ted had grown up learning about his ‘adventures’ and the amazing people he’d met. According to Ted, the September 11 attacks also played a pivotal role in his decision to sign up. ‘The “war on terror” was all over the TV, and it fed into my desire to join the forces and do something to be proud of,’ he said. ‘I believed in the cause, and I genuinely wanted to help the people of Afghanistan.’ (Picture: Ted Shirley)
Ted’s road to becoming a sniper was a long and difficult one. Regiments hold pre-selection courses within their battalions, which consist of various physical and mental aptitude tests. Those who rise to the top of these ‘in-house’ courses are sent away to attend the ‘Sniper Cadre,’ which is split into two phases. ‘Phase one takes place on Scotland’s east coast, and focuses on the theoretical side of things: shooting, ballistics, weapon systems and equipment, plus firing a weapon.’ Three months long, the learning curve is ‘so steep’ that many fall behind and return to their units. Phase two, in South Wales, is where hopefuls learn observation techniques, camouflage and concealment, solo navigation by day and by night, distancing techniques, sniper history and how to stalk a target. Ted said: ‘Everything is done to such a high professional standard that it becomes ingrained in you, it becomes second nature, and you change as a soldier. The whole six-month course culminates in a final “test week” which is one of the most difficult in the British Army.’ (stock image) (Picture: Getty Images)
Before Ted knew it, he had landed in Afghanistan for the first time. ‘I was struck by the incredible heat and the smell. It was like nowhere I’d ever been before, and it almost felt like I’d arrived in a different time,’ he said. According to Ted, his debut tour was fairly standard. ‘We saw our fair share of fighting, but luckily, we took no casualties.’ After four months in and around the town of Musa Qala, the snipers made their way back home after what he describes as ‘an eye-opening experience.’ (stock image) (Picture: Getty Images)
However, Ted’s next trip in 2009 was life-changing. ‘This time, my job role was different,’ he said. ‘As a sniper, I’d see myself on various types of operations depending on what was needed at the time. It wasn’t so much about kicking in doors and throwing grenades as it was police work. We would interview and detain people, checking them for gunpowder residue and taking retina scans. We’d be knocking on doors instead of going through them.’ Later, Ted would find himself on rooftops watching over troops as they patrolled. ‘When it came to the fight side of things, it was a sniper who would neutralise the enemy threat. The job came with a lot of pressure and responsibility, as well as the heavy burden of taking lives.’ (stock image) (Picture: Getty Images)
As the raging war continued, and after losing one of their own to the Taliban, Ted remembers how ‘everything seemed more real than it did the first time.’ Deploying on the biggest air assault operation since World War II, making shots from a mile away, and even taking out two enemy fighters with one round, day-to-day life varied. ‘We usually operated on four to six hours broken sleep a night and basic boil-in-a-bag rations. We would go out on day patrols, night patrols, be on a rotation for guard duty, and then fight off the enemy any time they came to attack us.’ Should he have to, Ted would strike one of their positions, saying: ‘It’s a pretty exhausting experience, but you become used to it.’ (Picture: Ted Shirley)
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It was in Afghanistan when Ted started to experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, a chapter that would take over his life for almost a decade. On the day he took out those targets from a mile away, and when his ‘life came crashing down,’ one moment stuck with him: ‘I climbed down from a rooftop after the event, my hearing became muffled, and I had almost tunnel vision. It was like I was shutting down. I stopped speaking for a while and began to secretly draw my nightmares and write explicit poems about my experiences. I wasn’t OK, and I was drowning in silence.’ (stock image) (Picture: Getty Images)
Ted’s PTSD journey is heavily referenced in his book, being inspired to share his own story after hearing about the unbelievable number of soldiers and veterans taking their own lives because of mental health conditions. ‘I wanted to help, but in a way that I could also protect my own energy and mental health,’ he said. ‘It felt amazing to finish the book, but it feels even more amazing knowing that it’s reaching the right people and it’s actually helping them.’ Ultimately, Ted does feel pride in his time in the army. As one of only a few snipers, he remembers coming home from his final tour and marching through city streets lined with thousands of cheering people. ‘It was a difficult tour, and this time we’d taken many casualties. I think we all felt a sense of pride that we’d got through it. But for me, that feeling was short-lived.’ (Picture: Ted Shirley)
Shortly after returning home, Ted knew he had changed inside. His mind quickly began to unravel, and PTSD took over his life. ‘The replaying of shots I’d taken and images I’d seen would constantly circulate in my mind. My days became filled with anger, frustration, irritability, sadness, guilt and shame. The feelings were overwhelming, and I was acting like a totally different person from who I was before I left for that last tour.’ Ted was adamant that he would suffer in silence. Having never heard of PTSD or even the term mental health before, he believed that saying something would have marked the end of his career. (Picture: Major Paul Smyth)
A couple of horrendous years followed, and on one cold, rainy night in December 2012, Ted attempted to take his own life for the first time. ‘It was the most heartbreaking day of my life as I resigned myself to the fate that so many others I knew would later encounter.’ The ordeal ended with Ted spending three months in a psychiatric hospital ward on the other side of the country with no direct contact from anyone. ‘I had always been a bright-eyed, happy person who could light up a room, but at some point, I lost my way.’ (Picture: Major Paul Smyth)
A few years after this experience, Ted was medically discharged from the army and swapped Camp Bastion for a one-way ticket around the world. ‘This polar opposite backpacker’s lifestyle made me start to see things differently, and it opened my mind. I began to meditate and lean into a mindful way of life.’ Ted also spent time researching PTSD treatment and the progress that was being made in the US. Cannabis was the first alternative method he began to use medicinally. ‘Instantly, I felt the positive effects of the plant and found that for the first time in years, I didn’t have a nightmare. I also noticed that, as well as getting my first unbroken night’s sleep in a long time, my levels of anger and irritability were significantly reduced.’ (stock image) (Picture: Getty Images)
Ted’s plant-based journey also led him to experiment with magic mushrooms, noted for their psychedelic compound, psilocybin. ‘The science behind this was there to see, and so I began to microdose mushrooms a few times a week. I found that my mood was more stable, I felt positive about life, and I was able to focus more on my recovery.’ Ted says it allowed him to think deeper about his traumatic events without being cast into a flashback or panic attack. The third plant medicine Ted used was DMT or N-Dimethyltryptamine, a chemical compound derived from Amazonian tree bark and the active ingredient in Ayahuasca. ‘The trip was intense to say the least, but afterwards I felt changed and almost like some of the guilt and shame I felt from Afghanistan had been released. It made me appreciate the smaller things in life, and that gratitude and positivity towards life are still with me today.’ (stock image) (Picture: Getty Images)
Between Ted’s military, travelling, and therapy experiences, he says he has managed to conquer PTSD. He is truly happy, something he never thought was possible. ‘When I was at my lowest point, all I wanted was to hear about someone who had made it through the other side of PTSD. All I’d ever been told was that I’d have to learn to live with a lifetime of symptoms, and that played a huge part in my hopelessness.’ Since releasing the book, Ted has been inundated with incredible opportunities, including speaking at various veterans associations and military camps around the UK. His aim? To bring awareness to PTSD and spread the important message that it can be cured. Afghanistan Sniper, Trauma on the Frontline and Beyond is available to buy now. (Picture: Ted Shirley)Add as preferred source