All 8 Blackstone holiday videos, ranked!

This video was released in December 2020, during the peak of the pandemic. It stuck to the theme it launched in 2018 of depicting Blackstone as a version of the NBC sitcom "The Office," but executives wore face masks and pandemic jokes featured prominently. In an early scene, one Blackstone executive struggles to recognize a colleague with unmanageably long hair. (Remember when all the barber shops were closed?)

While it was a bleak time, the video ends on an upbeat note, with Blackstone employees cutting loose to "I'm Walking on Sunshine," kicking off a tradition of holiday video songs that has featured prominently since. Still, it's somewhat stuck in the pandemic era, hence its placement at No. 7.

The conceit of this holiday season is a fake news station, "BX TV News," prompting Jon Gray to search for Blackstone's secret sauce. (It was a roundabout way for the firm to tout its plan to hit $1 trillion assets under management, which it has since achieved.)

Schwarzman returns to a role he often plays in these videos, that of the sincere elder statesman, to explain that the firm's true secret sauce is its employees. However, he notes that a secret is hidden in the basement, setting two executives on an Indiana Jones-style quest to find the scroll containing the firm's secret. This weird twist is the highlight of the video.

The video effectively makes several self-deprecating jokes about Blackstone's love of acronyms (BCRED, anyone?) and Wall Street's notorious work hours. By 2022, however, the company had been going with "The Office" theme for four years, hence its ranking.

The budget for the holiday video clearly increased this year, with a storyline about the birth of BX TV, the firm's weekly video call that Gray is incredibly enthusiastic about (and employees, less so). There are animals, special effects, and a Reese Witherspoon cameo.

The key joke is a fake award ceremony where Gray receives "Best Weekly Internal Zoom Call at an Alternative Asset Management firm." The hope is that it will convince the firm's president and chief operating officer that it's time to move on with John Finley, chief legal officer, saying, "I make one call to the FCC, and they'll cancel this clown car."

Employees chant "end it" and celebrate, thinking Gray has decided to cancel the show after winning the award. It quickly becomes clear that the 2022 BX TV season is already being planned, and the internal video call remains a weekly requirement at the firm.

Scranton, Pennsylvania, is a long way from Park Avenue in Midtown Manhattan, and Dunder Mifflin would be among its smallest portfolio companies, yet Blackstone successfully riffed off the NBC sitcom "The Office" for its first annual holiday video. The video begins with the theme music from the television show, and like "The Office," there is hand-held camera work and plenty of "candid" interviews with executives. There's also a Michael Scott look-alike. As with all the holiday videos that follow, this one starts with Jon Gray calling his executive assistant, Laurie Carlson.

This video started it all and set the tone for Blackstone's trademark style of mixing the firm's reality with jokes. The premise of the video is that Blackstone canceled its holiday party and replaced it with a video, which actually happened. And Jon Gray really does, sometimes, act a bit like Michael Scott in his enthusiasm for wild ideas, according to people who know him. There are fewer visual gags and no Hollywood cameos, but it's a classic.

2023's holiday video marked the first time Blackstone moved away from being a parallel version of "The Office" (only the title card remains). Instead, it's an homage to Taylor Swift and the Eras tour, with Blackstone trying to replicate her success with its own song about alternative investments.

This is the video that broke into the wider world, spawning mocking tabloid headlines. But for a video series whose main goal is to help the firm laugh at itself, that's a measure of success. Add that this immortal line: "Just this once, I do hope people confuse us with BlackRock." Also, you get to see Steve Schwarzman dancing while wearing a glittery fringe top.

This year, Blackstone turned 40 years old, so it was only right that the firm lived out its midlife crisis in front of all of us. The birthday celebration begins with a Ken Burns documentary about the firm's origins, before Jon Gray asks for Burns to be fired in favor of some "pizzaz."

Blackstone's execs are all dealing with their age in different ways: wearing nose rings and buying sports teams or Ferrari (the company). Steve Schwarzman's ambition to become a DJ leads to a cameo by actual DJ and Goldman Sachs CEO David Solomon.

Another cameo from Jersey Mike's spokesperson Danny DeVito is a highlight, with his contract apparently requiring him to take on the challenging job of advertising "non-listed, semi-liquid, institutional-quality perpetual products."

The video ends with a musical number, this time an age-appropriate 80s theme, alongside a dizzying array of 80s references and an executive pulling off the iconic Dirty Dancing lift. After a challenging year for the firm's employees, this year the firm leaned into embarrassing itself and having fun.

The 2019 holiday video revolves around Blackstone's absurd search for a company mascot, which turns out to be Mr. Stone, a mascot that looks like a cross of Hulk and Jon Gray. The international offices of Blackstone get cameos in this one, as does a plug for Steve Schwarzman's book, "What It Takes: Lessons in the Pursuit of Excellence."

Gray told BI that this was his favorite in the series because of the mascot. The firm not only hired a company to build the mascot suit, but also made dozens of bobbleheads, which still show up in holiday videos and on some people's desks. We agree that the mascot joke is a highlight.

This video also ends with one of the best Steve Schwarzman gags of the series, when it's revealed that Schwarzman has been the mysterious person inside Mr. Stone the whole time.

In 2024, the firm leaned into the cringe with a metaverse-like exploration of Blackstone executives as reality television stars, culminating in a country song-and-dance routine.

It features appearances from famous friends. Larry Fink, CEO of BlackRock, which was originally part of Blackstone before spinning out in the 1990s, makes a joke about how the two firms are often confused for each other.

Gray last year told Business Insider that the turn to country was inspired by Beyonce's own embrace of the genre on "Cowboy Carter."And just like Beyonce, some of the firm's best work comes when they don't let the critics stop them.

Jeffrey Cane contributed to previous year's rankings.