Stillness, authenticity, and the hardest work of all

At the Exceptional Women Alliance (EWA), we bring together accomplished women who mentor, support, and challenge one another to grow as leaders, women, and as human beings. Each month we highlight one of these extraordinary voices and the insights that define her approach to leadership and life.

This month I spoke with Mindy Mackenzie, former interim CEO of Beautycounter, longtime advisor to portfolio companies at The Carlyle Group, and Wall Street Journal bestselling author of The Courage Solution: The Power of Truth Telling with Your Boss, Peers, and Team.

Mindy’s leadership philosophy challenges the belief that progress requires constant motion. She believes the most important work begins in stillness, in the willingness to pause, listen, and lead from purpose and authenticity rather than pressure.

Q: You say sitting still can feel like agony, and you highly recommend it. Why?

Mindy Mackenzie: Most of us are addicted to motion. We fill every moment because slowing down forces us to face what is really happening inside. Sitting still, truly being with yourself, can feel unbearable at first. It is uncomfortable, but it is also where truth lives.

If you can sit quietly, even for a few minutes, you will start to hear what is real instead of what you are performing. That is the beginning of clarity.

Q: Why is this so hard for successful women leaders?

Mackenzie: Because we have been conditioned to equate busyness with value. High-performing women often measure their worth by what they accomplish. The problem is that when you stop, you have to confront the question underneath it all: Who am I when I am not producing?

I think a key concept is understanding who you are outside of your role. Many leaders do not know that answer, and that lack of separation between identity and achievement is what makes stillness so uncomfortable.

Q: How can leaders start practicing stillness in a real way?

Mackenzie: You do not need to go to a monastery or sit in 17 yoga retreats. It does not take five hours a day. Sit in your closet for five minutes. Set a timer. Just get in touch with yourself and allow whatever comes up.

When I work with executives, I remind them that they are human choosers. Every day you have the choice to lead from pressure or from presence. I ask one question: What do you choose right now?

It sounds simple, but it changes everything.

Q: You draw a connection between leadership and parenting. How do the two overlap?

Mackenzie: Parenting teaches humility, patience, and listening before responding. Those skills are exactly what leadership requires.

At home, I often ask my family, on a scale of one to 10, how are you feeling about this? I use the same approach in business. The answers usually surprise me. You think you know where someone stands, but you do not until you ask.

That question opens real dialogue. It moves a conversation from assumption to understanding. In leadership, that shift builds trust, and trust is the foundation of every strong culture.

Q: How do you define authentic impact?

Mackenzie: Real impact comes from genuine care. I even use the word love in business, which makes people squirm, but I genuinely love the people who work for me and they know it.

I’ve paid attention to the bosses who have sucked the energy out of the room versus the bosses who have given energy. True, amazing impact that lasts on people’s lives comes from leaders who bring that conscious intention to how they show up. That’s the measure of leadership—the energy you give, not the energy you take.

Q: What do you want leaders to take away from this approach?

Mackenzie: Telling yourself the truth about how you really feel is tremendously hard, and it is a radical act of courage. All of these concepts are so easy to say, and they are a lifetime’s work.

We need to be reminded because we forget, we get caught up. What can you do? Just try to pause and go, what is happening here? What am I choosing right now? And then not judge it or beat yourself up with self-flagellation. The old way is saying I’m not good enough, I’m bad, I’m wrong. The new way is just acknowledging how you feel and letting it be okay.

Larraine Segil is founder, chair, and CEO of The Exceptional Women Alliance.