Harriette Cole: I dread going out of my apartment but I don’t want to live anywhere else

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a 75-year-old woman who has lived in the same charming walk-up apartment in New York City for more than 40 years. This place has seen me through marriage, motherhood, widowhood and every season of my life.

Recently, the three flights of stairs have become almost impossible for me to manage. My knees ache, I get winded easily, and I find myself dreading leaving the apartment because I know I’ll have to climb back up.

My doctor has recommended I look for housing with an elevator or move closer to family, but the thought of leaving my neighborhood, my friends, my routines, my sense of independence — well, it breaks my heart. I can’t imagine myself anywhere else.

At the same time, I know staying here isn’t sustainable or safe. I’ve even tripped once or twice on the stairs, which scared me more than I’d like to admit.

I feel stuck between practicality and the emotional attachment I have to the place I’ve called home for nearly half my life. I don’t want to lose my independence, but I also don’t want a fall or to have health issue force a decision I didn’t make intentionally.

How do I make peace with the idea of leaving the home I love, and how do I know when it’s truly time to go?

— What Is Home?

DEAR WHAT IS HOME?: When my mother was about to move out of our family home where she had lived for more than 30 years, she told us that wherever she went was where home was. I’ve never forgotten that concept.

As hard as it may be to leave the familiar, trust that you can bring home with you — your spirit, your thoughtfulness, yourself. It may be bumpy at first, but I would highly recommend you find a safer place to live as soon as possible and build community there. You can do it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents are divorced, and my sibling and I go back and forth between their homes.

We recently went on vacation with my dad, and one of his pieces of luggage inadvertently ended up at my mom’s house. I guess one of us grabbed it and took it with us. He wants it back, but I don’t have a way to get it to him, and my parents don’t speak.

In a way, it’s not a big deal — we always shared luggage when we lived together as a family, and a piece that matches our family set just ended up in the wrong place — but it’s weird that he feels he can’t come over and just get it.

Divorce is so awkward. Do I need to tell my mother to give him back his bag?

— Managing Divorce

DEAR MANAGING DIVORCE: If the luggage belongs to your dad, just have it with you the next time you see each other. If he needs it sooner, he can fetch it himself. Don’t make it a big deal, because it isn’t.

Navigating the ins and outs of divorce is difficult for everyone involved, but you can do it. Let this be a simple one.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.