The Real Housewives of Potomac Recap: Every Breath You Take
This past Friday morning, I was going through my usual routine of huffing and puffing on the Stairmaster in despair when my group chat notifications started going so crazy that I wasn’t even able to keep listening to the new Rochelle Jordan album in peace. I turned my phone over, assuming that something mildly scandalous but predictable had taken place, like Taylor Swift announcing ten new versions of an album or Nick Cannon discovering yet another child. Imagine my shock when I found out that Finkleburg, Maryland, residents Wendy and Eddie Osefo were indicted on multiple felony charges of conspiracy to commit insurance fraud and could be facing up to 15 years in jail. Of all the potential breaking news scenarios, that was certainly not on my bingo card, but the mugshot did not lie.
Now, I have dabbled in scammery a time or two in my life. Who amongst us hasn’t rung up an avocado as a banana or kept an Amazon package after you got your money back because you reported it lost? But there’s hopping a train fare and there’s making a claim equivalent to the maximum coverage of your entire home insurance policy and alleging it is only from stolen goods in your bedroom, while there is proof of you returning items and zero footage or evidence of any intrusion anywhere around your home. After years of women across Housewives franchises being accused of returning items, being banned from luxury stores, and faking robberies, color me gagged that the first ones to see a courtroom for it are the former professor and lawyer. Are their student loans still that bad?
It goes without saying that the Osefos are innocent until proven guilty, but if the details of the investigation are to be believed, the evidence seems quite damning. Rumors of fraud are no stranger to Bravo franchises: the pressure to present a specific lifestyle of luxury and glamour is intense, but the increased visibility doesn’t always immediately generate the dividends required to reflect that quality of life. The Osefos are far from the first couple who were or are suspected of living above their means, returning items, and engaging in other minor white collar scams to maintain the illusion of wealth. What makes this discovery, in some ways, more shocking than the Giudices’ indictment or the constant scam accusations that plague Dorit, however, is that since her arrival on the screens of Potomac, Wendy Osefo has presented herself as someone of unimpeachable moral fiber, to the point of condescension among her castmates. The fact that she is the first one to be accused of a crime that would seemingly indicate a desperation to keep up appearances at any expense flies in the face of everything she purports herself to be.
Time will tell how these revelations will impact the show, but this will all indisputably color the perspective in which I examine the dynamics between Wendy and the rest of the cast this season, which has rested somewhere around “co-workers, not friends” for several years now. So far, her conflict with Keiarna seems to be framed to make Keiarna seem moronic, but the core of Keiarna’s issue seems to be that Wendy presents one image publicly as opposed to who she is in private; is there merit to that? Last season, Mia pointed out that Eddie was highly available for someone who is supposed to be such an in-demand lawyer; did she already know something we didn’t, or was that simply a stripper’s intuition? I’m sure more questions will continue to come up throughout the season as we try to make sense of how Wendy racked up more felonies than degrees, but we are watching someone in very real time be summarily knocked off the gargantuan pedestal they placed themselves on.
The whiplash of this news is made all the more intense because it’s clear that Wendy finally entered the season feeling more at ease and secure in her role on the cast and in front of the camera. As Keiarna continues to fumble through her frustrations with Wendy at Ashley’s party, she stretches back and holds court, a bemused look on her face as she dismisses Keiarna’s complaints as frivolous. After the fiasco at the party, Stacey attempts to make inroads with the group by reconnecting with Wendy first, despite Wendy having led the charge to ask questions about her personal life on the reunion stage. When Stacey sheepishly admits that she did, indeed, have a competing marijuana brand in the works, it’s clear that she is aware that Wendy holds all the cards here — she’s in need of an ally and will owe Wendy a favor for letting her lie slide. For Wendy to have such a stronger command of her dynamics in the group just makes the pending fallout feel all the more unbelievable.
Stacey, for her part, is truly putting on a masterful performance taking on Ashley and Gizelle. She has figured out what Karen had understood since the first season of the show: if you commit to a lie long enough, people will eventually just get tired of calling you out on it. By the time she admits to the cannabis brand, Wendy is so over it that she just doesn’t care that Stacey is lying through their teeth. By the time that she produces papers to show her divorce to Ashley and Gizelle, they both see that the documents aren’t notarized and signed by the judge, but are done trying to force her to admit it. I fully believe Keiarna when she says that Stacey told her she is always going to keep a façade — the thing is, Stacey is going to lie about it for so long that K will eventually just look stupid harping on it. The biggest asset in a liar’s playbook is commitment, and Stacey has that in spades.
It’s fascinating how so much of Stacey’s trajectory lines up with fellow Detroit antagonist Kenya Moore. They both rubbed their castmates the wrong way, having both come out of catalog modeling and pageants, and both were immediately accused of multiple fraudulent relationships and acting phony for the cameras. They even have an aesthetic quirk they get mocked for. Kenya was teased for constantly wearing colored contacts and having a fake butt. While Stacey doesn’t have either of those, she does, however, have hot ass breath. Maybe it’s the vodka she’s secretly knocking back when she thinks no one is paying attention that’s triggering her halitosis? Whatever it is, she should probably see a dentist about it if it’s such a consistent complaint. Until then, it seems like her “goddess breath” is more like dragon breath.
I have to admit, I find Stacey’s offbeat brand of nice-nasty entertaining. Her temperament is both disarming and diabolical; she will lie through her teeth while holding a 64-watt showgirl smile, and if you respond with frustration, you will inevitably end up looking disproportionately hostile. That is a calculation that Ashley and Gizelle made in this episode, and their crusade was beginning to make them look like the aggressors, rather than people with a righteous score to settle.
One thing Gizelle knows quite well, however, is that all she needs is time on her side, and she will ultimately prevail. Many women have tried to dethrone Gizelle, and yet she remains the last one standing. Candiace and Mia left the show. Karen’s downfall is documented in 4K for all to see. Monique tried to lead a franchise on her own, failed miserably, got divorced, and is now about to return to the franchise she said she didn’t need, hat in hand. Now Wendy is facing a comeuppance of epic proportions. I don’t know what ancestors are working with that green-eyed bandit, but at this point, I would recommend that anyone who chooses to go against her do so with caution. Stacey might have the upper hand now, but Gizelle seems to have a knack for being there when the boomerang inevitably swings back.
While that comeuppance may be a ways away, it is telling that Gizelle is so aggravated by Stacey’s presence that she is willing to engage with the likes of Monique Samuels — a woman whom she once refused to be around without security — in the interest of settling a score. As Ashley gleefully recounts, a friend told her that Stacey was actively pursuing Chris at some point between cutting it off with TJ and reuniting with her husband. Now, I am curious about what will exactly make this noteworthy. As far as I know, Chris is single and Stacey was at least pretending to get divorced, so unless she and Monique are personal friends, I really don’t know how much mileage they’re going to get out of this. But Gizelle being this willing to hear Monique out means that either Stacey is truly so intolerable that she is willing to do a necessary evil, or Gizelle is threatened by the impact Stacey has on this dynamic and wants to squash it immediately.
Either way, Monique will soon make it back onto our screens and confront the ladies and Stacey head on. See you all next week!
Cherry Blossoms
• We’re two episodes in and have had two scenes that keep finding hackneyed ways to harness the spirit of Karen Huger like the ghost of Christmas past. This time it was by grabbing a bite to eat at Tally Ho’s. So far its an okay gimmick, but this can get really old really soon. Personally, I’d rather we let her fade to the background until she’s ready to be back on cameras.
• I’m sorry, but I simply don’t care whether Ashley is back with Josh. But why does he have all that product in his hair? He looked like he was auditioning for Hairspray.
• Angel seems like a lovely person so far, but I am so sorry, if I never see a sound bowl again in the next ten lifetimes, it will still be too soon. Love the Colorado house, though, it looked stunning!
• I don’t know if it’s the New Yorker in me, but I don’t find the phrase chin-checked to be that hostile. Like yes, it literally refers to physical contact, but it could also just mean to metaphorically get someone together. Nevertheless, if everyone feels it merits an apology, so be it.