Mel Robbins’s secrets to helping your kids achieve ‘phone-life balance’

Feel like you’re constantly yelling at your kids to get off their phones? Wondering how to rein in their sky-high screen time? You’re not alone. Parents across the country are grappling with the same challenge—including best-selling author, viral motivational speaker, and mother of three, Mel Robbins.

Robbins is the author of The Let Them Theory, a mindset shift built on the idea that if you let the people around you do what they’re going to do—without letting it affect you—you’ll thrive. Now, she’s teamed up with Verizon to share practical, research-backed strategies for navigating the digital world with kids.

Last week in New York City, Robbins spoke as part of Verizon’s Digital Wellness initiative, which offers workshops and resources to help families navigate the digital world safely. She shared strategies for helping parents—and their children—develop a healthy “phone-life balance.”

“Phones are incredible. They are the most incredible tool you can use to connect with people, to learn, to express yourself,” Robbins told the crowd of 300. “But the real trick is learning how to balance when you’re using it mindfully versus when you’re mindlessly giving it time and attention.”

Here are the tips Robbins shared with the crowd.

It starts with you

Robbins began by urging parents to look in the mirror before pointing fingers. She told them to take stock of how often they use their own phones around family, and why.

“You cannot yell at your kids, expecting them to police themselves and have balance, if you’re not modeling it,” Robbins said.

By adopting healthy screen habits yourself, she explained, you can influence the rest of your household. Her advice: Avoid mindlessly reaching for your phone, and keep it out of reach at home when you’re not working.

Be curious, not controlling

Instead of trying to control every minute of kids’ screen time, Robbins urged parents to get curious about the bigger picture—that is, what phone use actually means to their children.

Her own perspective shifted when she stopped seeing her kids’ phones as simply technological devices and started seeing them as their friends. She encouraged other parents to do the same.

“We look at the phone and see a waste of time, but this is your kid’s friend,” Robbins said. “Biologically speaking, it is age-appropriate for kids to want to be with their friends.”

Let them lead the way

This is where Robbins’s viral “Let Them” theory comes into play. To better understand why kids spend so much time on their phones, she advises letting them take the lead in an open, healthy conversation about their habits.

For instance, if your child wakes up exhausted after a night of texting, don’t immediately confiscate the device. Instead, invite them to share their thoughts on what their phone use means to them. Ask why it feels important to stay online so late—you might learn that their friends pressure them to keep texting or that they fear how others will react if they go offline.

“You’re no longer in a battle about a device or a computer,” Robbins said. “You’re actually in connection with your kid and talking about the deeper stuff.”

Implement these 2 habits to practice every day

Robbins urged parents to start with two simple, healthy habits for both themselves and their kids.

First: no phones in bed. She cited research showing that 1 in 4 preteens sleep with their phone, a habit that often leads to less rest. If your child sleeps upstairs, she suggested, have them leave their phone downstairs to charge overnight.

“Your kids might hate you,” she said. “It’s okay. Let them.” Within two weeks, she added, they may still be grouchy, but at least they’ll be much better rested.

Second: no phones at the dinner table. And that doesn’t just mean not looking at your devices. Robbins recommends keeping phones completely away during family meals in order to avoid distraction and temptation. “You can become a family that has a meal together, and when you sit down, you can say: ‘I am with you,’” she said. 

She stressed that it’s fine to play the bad guy. Kids often want someone to blame when friends ask why they’re not online, and they may even feel relieved when a parent takes that blame.

Create a “rocking” family group chat

A healthy phone-life balance means more than putting the device down. Robbins also encourages using it to “have fun” with your family.

Many families already have a group chat for logistics, she noted. But she urged parents to become the “captain of fun” in those chats—sending memes, GIFs, and funny stickers to their kids. Don’t expect constant replies, she said, but know they’ll appreciate and eventually engage with this lighter form of connection.

“One of the greatest things about the phone is that it’s an incredible way to stay connected to people,” Robbins said. “There will be times where the most important thing is the thing right there on that screen. But there are a lot of times where the most important thing is the person sitting right there in front of you.”