Seeing my husband have sex with other women turns me on – friends have disowned me, but I don’t care
SITTING at the kitchen table, Amie Southwell happily supervises her three young children as they eat their lunch.
Later, after taking their two dogs for a walk near her home outside Bath, Wiltshire, she settles in front of the TV to watch a film.
On the surface, she looks like any other suburban housewife – except that Amie’s husband of eleven years, Lee, is nowhere to be seen.
While Amie cares for their children, Lee is getting his kicks half an hour’s drive away from their three-bedroomed semi, having steamy sex with a 34-year-old mum.
While most women would feel sickened at the thought of their husbands straying, Lee’s extramarital romp has Amie’s full blessing.
The couple had in fact met the woman through a swinger’s website three months earlier.
You’d be forgiven for thinking we’d travelled back in time to the 1970s, when ‘swinging’ was as in vogue as flares and disco.
But having sex with multiple partners is suddenly on the rise again, and Amie and Lee are one of a growing number of couples turning their backs on traditional, monogamous relationships.
After discovering a website dedicated to swapping partners in 2021, they are now part of a group of around ten couples that meet regularly – either at each other’s houses, or during adult-only weekends at holiday parks.
Lee has slept with around 20 other women since their marriage became open, while Amie, who is bisexual, has had sex with 20 men and ten women.
And they are not alone, as according to research by dating app Hinge, one in five users “would consider” trying out an open relationship, while one in ten have already been involved in one.
Although you’d expect Amie to live in fear of friends or family finding out, she and Lee are surprisingly open about their swinging sessions.
Even their mums know about their unconventional lifestyle and, incredibly, agree to babysit the kids while they play out their fantasies.
Amie says: “The woman Lee has sex with was someone we’d previously played with as a couple, alongside her husband.
“I suggested it, as a few weeks earlier I’d experimented with having sex on my own with a single man we met on the website.
“Lee found it a turn on, and it seemed only fair that he should try playing on his own too.”
We were a straight-laced, pretty ordinary couple who liked routine and only managed to get out once a month for dinner
Amie
Amie seems as shocked as anyone by the surprising changes in her marriage dynamic.
“If someone had told me on my wedding day that I’d willingly share my husband with other women, I’d have thought they were mad,” she admits.
“I thought Lee was the only man I’d ever want to sleep with and I couldn’t have imagined him with anyone else.
“We were a straight-laced, pretty ordinary couple who liked routine and only managed to get out once a month for dinner.”
Amie says letting Lee have sex with other women is the best thing she ever did, not least because it’s allowed her to explore, too.
“I went to a female-only sex party at an Airbnb in Shoreditch, London, a few weeks ago, while Lee stayed at home with the children,” she says.
“We played a few games before people went off and did their thing. I ended up in a group with five other women.”
‘Felt paranoid’
According to the latest figures, 33 per cent of men and 11 per cent of women are now open to introducing a third person into their relationship and over a million Brits admit to regularly enjoying group sex.
It was Amie, who works part-time in customer services, who first broached the idea of swinging with construction worker Lee.
“I confided that I would like to have sex with another woman,” she says.
“I’d been curious for a while, but squashed it as I thought that it might open a can of worms.
“But Lee liked the idea.”
Two months later, they heard about a sex party event through a website they’d stumbled across. Despite their initial nerves, the reality exceeded their desires.
There was another unexpected benefit, too.
“I used to be paranoid that Lee would cheat, or leave me,” says Amie, who got together with Lee when he was just 17 and she was 18.
“But seeing him with other women and the pleasure we both now have has completely removed that fear.”
I used to be paranoid that Lee would cheat, or leave me
Amie
Amie first became anxious that Lee might stray a few months after they got together in 2009.
One day, after he had gone to bed, Lee’s phone lit up with a message from another woman.
“He swore it was nothing and that he loved me, so I forgave him,” says Amie.
“But if he went out, I’d text him constantly – sometimes up to 30 times a night – asking what he was doing. And I’d check his phone daily.
“I felt paranoid and my mind would race. There were times when, if I hadn’t got young children, I’d have jumped in the car to find him if he hadn’t replied to my messages.
“I felt out of control, but couldn’t stop. It was exhausting.
“I hated it if he spoke to other women, even if I was there, and would join them so they knew he was taken.”
However, Amie has now been happily sharing her husband with other women since their first sex party nearly four years ago.
“There were about 12 other people there that night and I slept with four men, including Lee,” she says.
“He had sex with one woman and enjoyed foreplay with a few others.
“I couldn’t believe how sexy I found it watching Lee pleasure them. I felt proud of him.”
While many women would recoil at the thought of being intimate with a man who had just had sex with someone else, Amie says Lee being with another woman only increases the lust between them.
‘Huge turn on’
“I actively enjoy watching him give a woman pleasure,” she says.
“It’s a huge turn on and the sex we have immediately after is incredible – the best ever.”
It’s not only the sex with other people, but the fact we now communicate more
Lee
Amie admits their parental responsibilities mean they can’t fulfil their desires as often as they’d like.
“The kids all go to clubs, so it’s hard logistically to do as much as we’d like, so we ask our mums to babysit around once a month,” she says.
“They both know what we do – we feel no need to hide it. I’ve told friends, too.
“Some disapprove and don’t talk to me anymore, but I don’t feel the loss. Others are curious.”
Amie says that as the children are still young, she doesn’t worry about them hearing negative gossip. When they’re older, she wants them to have open minds about the sort of lives they choose to lead.
“In the same way as we’d talk about being bisexual, we’d mention non-monogamy – after all, it’s made us so happy,” she says.
The couple now spend a weekend away each month, which Amie says is “full of pleasure and adult time”.
She adds: “The other day we were with another couple and Lee played with the woman while I was with the man in a separate room – we could all hear each other’s pleasure and that was another huge turn on.
“But we both agree that being with another couple together is what we enjoy the most.”
Now, I can’t imagine our lives any other way
Amie
She even believes that other couples might benefit if they gave extramarital sex sessions a go.
“I want people to open their eyes to another sort of relationship – one like ours,” she says.
“Now, I can’t imagine our lives any other way.”
Lee says: “Seeing Amie with another man is hot and we both enjoy our new lifestyle.
“It’s not only the sex with other people, but the fact we now communicate more. It’s made us more honest with each other about everything.
“Amie really struggled with jealousy and it was exhausting. It tainted nights out as I’d be worrying about being questioned afterwards.
“The turnaround in her has been incredible and improved our relationship.”
What is an open relationship?
An open relationship means having more than one sexual partner at the same time.
Both parties in the relationship agree to be non-exclusive and one or both parties engages in sexual activities outside the relationship.
If one or both parties engage in sexual relationships without an agreement, this would be classed as cheating.
Other names for an open relationship are polyamory and consensual non-monogamy.