Let’s Not Overcomplicate It: Barnsley’s Masterplan Unveiled (Sort Of)

Well folks, Mladen Sormaz has spoken – and as ever, it's a case of “let’s zoom out” and squint really hard to figure out exactly what it all means.

Barnsley’s first-ever Sporting Director has delivered a masterclass in corporate football speak this week, touching on everything from his bromance with Conor Hourihane to our revolutionary strategy of… not selling players for less than they’re worth. Bold stuff.

Let’s break it down, shall we?

On Appointing Conor: "Ticked All the Boxes"

Apparently, the decision to make Conor Hourihane head coach was based on a rigorous process of "zooming out" and realising that the best man for the job… was already in the building. Imagine that.

After scouring the domestic market and even going continental (continental = phoning someone in the Algarve?), the club ultimately went with the man whose name was on the office door. He had “built trust” – or in other words, didn’t make anyone cry in meetings. A classic recruitment strategy.

Sormaz said they didn’t want to overcomplicate it. Don’t worry Mladen, no danger of that.

Transfer Market: It's Not Just a Summer Fling

Apparently, we’ve been "gathering info on players all year", which sounds reassuring until you remember the last January window felt more like a garage sale than a masterstroke of planning. But now, we’re putting money in play – the footballing equivalent of tapping your Monzo card and praying.

There’s also talk of game model meetings and video examples, so if you spot Conor watching VHS tapes of 1997 Ajax in the gaffer’s office, now you know why.

Academy Grads and the Hunger Hype

This summer, it’s less about unearthing hidden gems and more about dusting off the ones we already had. Names like Fabio Jalo, Vimal Yoganathan, Kieren Flavell, and Jonathan Bland aren’t just academy hopefuls anymore — they’ve actually played for the first team, sometimes impressively, and without the club having to rummage through the bargain bin. Jack Shepherd’s also set to return from loan, hopefully with shin pads intact and ready to throw himself at anything that moves.

The big win here? We might avoid another “throw the kid in and hope for the best” scenario. These lads have been there, done it, and probably still had to help stack chairs after training. Now, with them in the mix, we can focus on adding a few actual grown-ups to the squad — ideally ones with working hamstrings and a burning desire to call Oakwell home (or at least not immediately look for the exit).

Chairman Chat: “Top Three Squad” – Bless

When asked about Neerav Parekh’s recent claim that we had a "top three squad", Sormaz gave an answer so diplomatic it could get him a job at the UN.

He reckons it comes from Neerav’s passion and commitment, which is admirable. But it’s also a bit like your mate saying his Ford Fiesta could win Le Mans because he cleaned it last weekend.

Apparently Neerav watches every game and reads every analysis. We'd suggest he adds a few fan tweets to his reading list – though he might need a stiff drink afterward (metaphorically, obviously – this is a dry club now, remember?).

Selling Players: Now With Added Restraint!

Sormaz assures us we won’t be flogging players on the cheap this summer. Because unlike every other summer, we’re going to be "sensible". Lovely.

Look, we all know someone’s going to make a painful exit, probably accompanied by a four-line club statement and a moody photo in front of a sponsor’s board. But if they can at least stretch it out until August, that’s progress… right?

The Aim: "We Say It Every Season..."

Yes Mladen, we know. The aim is to get out of the league. Just once, it’d be nice to hear how.

Will it be through style? Grit? Sh*thousery? Nobody really knows, but rest assured: we’ll aim high and debrief in May.

Final Whistle: Same Plan, Different Buzzwords

It’s clear Mladen cares. He talks the talk, he’s got the spreadsheets, and he’s probably got the tactical analysis software open in six browser tabs. But it all feels like someone built a very elaborate IKEA flat-pack strategy without the instructions.

Still, let’s not overcomplicate it. If Conor gets the lads firing, we might just stumble our way to Wembley – clipboard in hand, passion in our veins, and another off-brand press conference just around the corner.