Devastating: This Man Just Lost His Best Friend To Phish

Whether you’re a praying person or not, please keep Ryan Gibbons, 31, of Ashville, North Carolina in your thoughts today, because he’s navigating an absolutely unthinkable tragedy: This man just lost his best friend to Phish. 

So, so sad. We cannot fathom the grief he must be feeling right now. 

When Ryan initially learned that his lifelong friend Jordan Nubin, 31, had developed an interest in the music of Phish, he took the news hard, but remained hopeful that Jordan would ultimately pull through and beat this thing. Unfortunately, it was only a matter of weeks before Jordan’s Phish phase began aggressively spreading throughout his entire personality, leaving Jordan unable to stop talking about Phish around his friends and causing him to subject anyone hanging out at his place to rare soundboard recordings of shows Phish played in the 1990s. What began as a benign appreciation of their cover of the 2001: A Space Odyssey theme had grown into a malignant identification with whatever “3.0 Phandom” is. 

Soon, Jordan’s appearance began to change, too. Ryan noticed his friend was shaving less, wearing cargo shorts more often, and frequently showing up to social events wearing a bootleg concert tee he’d bought online that was filled with visual Phish puns and references he’d eagerly explain to anyone unfortunate enough to ask about his shirt. That’s when Ryan knew Jordan’s Phish phase was more serious than anyone had realized.

Ryan watched helplessly as his friend’s condition worsened, with Jordan spending increasing amounts of free time on Phish message boards and casually dropping terms like “fluffer,” “wook,” and “Trey served 20 minutes of straight hose” into conversation. And then one day, Ryan got the gut-wrenching call he’d been bracing for ever since Jordan first expressed an interest in Phish. The call that confirmed Jordan was gone forever.

“Dude, Ryan, so I got tickets to all four shows Phish is playing up in Manchester, New Hampshire this June, going with a bunch of Phishheads I met on Reddit—any chance you know where we can get some mushrooms?” Jordan asked over the phone, as Ryan held a hand over his mouth and fell to his knees. There was no longer any doubt: his friend Jordan had succumbed to Phish fandom.

God, we wouldn’t wish something like this on our worst enemy. Our heart goes out to Ryan, and all of Jordan’s friends and loved ones. As horrible as it is to watch a friend slowly disappear into jam band culture, they can always cherish the memories they had with Jordan before Phish became his entire thing. Hold your family and friends close, folks. Phish can happen to anyone.