Dear Abby: Friend's pain comes and goes, especially in parking lots
DEAR ABBY: My friend "Alma" has a handicapped parking permit. I never asked her why she has it. We regularly go for long walks, and she seems perfectly able-bodied. Alma did share with me once that she got the tag after an accident left her with some intermittent long-term pain. She said most days she doesn't need the accessible parking and doesn't use it, but that when her pain flares up, it's helpful to be able to utilize a handicapped parking space.
However, I have been with Alma in situations where there is limited parking and she suggests using a handicapped space. I'm uncomfortable taking a space away from someone who may need it, but also uncomfortable questioning whether Alma needs it or if it's just for convenience. What is the proper etiquette here? — EMPATHETIC IN TEXAS
DEAR EMPATHETIC: The proper etiquette would be to tell your friend Alma (with a smile) that unless she's having pain that day, you would prefer to park a little farther away in a regular parking spot.
DEAR ABBY: I have a set of Chippendale-style dining chairs that are more than 100 years old. They are of sentimental value to me because I grew up with them. Recently, at considerable expense, I had them repaired and reupholstered. My husband's son-in-law, "Isaac," whom I love very much, weighs between 450 and 500 pounds. When the family is dining, he uses one of the chairs. They are not intended to hold such weight.
My husband and I agree that we should buy a heavy-duty chair that can accommodate Isaac's weight. However, I don't know how to convey to Isaac that the new chair is for him without causing offense or hurt feelings. Do you have a suggestion? — TREADING LIGHTLY
DEAR TREADING: Your husband should explain the potential problem to his daughter so SHE can point out to her husband that a special dining room chair has been acquired for him to use at family dinners.
DEAR ABBY: My son works two jobs and takes college classes. His deadbeat girlfriend doesn't work. They broke up briefly, and she moved in with another guy, but he refused to support her, so she got back with my son again. She knows I have her number, so we do not get along, which puts a strain on my relationship with my son. He deserves a better life partner, but he doesn't see it that way. Is there anything I can do to wake him up? — PLAIN AS DAY IN WASHINGTON
DEAR PLAIN: Your son is young and hasn't had time to gain much experience about romantic relationships. If he didn't pick up on the fact that his girlfriend left him because she thought she had found another meal ticket, and that she returned only when the guy refused to support her, nothing you can say (that you haven't already said, I'm sure) will dissuade him from having to learn a painful lesson on his own.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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