My child was defiant from the start. I wouldn't have it any other way.

• Every time we would say "no," our son would ask "why."
• I worried about his defiance as he got older. Other parents didn't approve of him pushing boundaries.
• Now, he's a teen, and I have no doubt about his ability to question things he doesn't agree with.

I don't remember how my son picked up "no" as his first word. Perhaps it started with the number of times he heard it from us.

We would often tell him things like:

"No, you can't play in the bath forever."

"No, you can't jump off the balcony in your Spider-Man suit!"

"No, you can't touch the hot stove!"

As he grew older, every "no" of ours was met with a stubborn "why" from him. Every rule was challenged, and every boundary was pushed.

He had a hard time with the rigidity of his school

Every eye roll and slammed door from my son made me feel powerless. Some parents began judging us, even discouraging their children from playing with mine, fearing he would be a bad influence.

I had to ask myself some tough questions: Did I want to raise a minion who simply followed orders or an individual who could think for himself? Was my frustration rooted in my own ego or my son's well-being?

With time, his defiance came at a cost. His attendance in high school declined, and so did his grades. Frequently, he made excuses to be absent or just not get ready on time. His assertiveness extended from our home to challenging the school system's authority over his time and learning.

He was creative and social, but the structured, rule-oriented environments at home and school exhausted him, causing him to withdraw from participation. It was a mystery to me and his teachers, who never doubted his capability.

The more I exerted control, the further I pushed him away. Nagging him about missed classes, I shamed him, suggesting he would do better if he stuck to a routine.

I discovered positive parenting

At my wit's end, I turned to therapy, where I discovered positive parenting. Slowly, I learned not to take things personally when it came to our fights. I stopped seeing his complaints as an attack on my authority or a poor reflection of my parenting and started viewing them as him expressing his hurt and frustration.

That shift helped me step back and respond with more objectivity — acknowledging his struggles instead of reacting with anger. Over time, as he saw that I was really listening and giving him credit where it was due, he started approaching our arguments more respectfully. When he felt less attacked, my son made space for my concerns, too. Together, we found our middle ground.

A few years ago, he requested his piano tutor teach him the guitar. When the teacher refused, believing my son needed more piano experience before switching to a new instrument, he quit his piano lessons altogether after three years of lessons. Today, in addition to playing the piano, my son is a self-taught guitarist and drummer — skills he might never have explored had he simply obeyed.

People care about him even when he's not afraid to speak his mind

Family and friends enjoy his company. He cares deeply for the people in his life and does not hesitate to speak his mind when needed.

Raising a defiant child is challenging, but I've come to appreciate the strength behind it. My son has the confidence to speak up when something doesn't feel right and shows the courage to stand his ground — exactly what any caring parent would hope for their child.

He may not have followed the conventional path, but I'm confident he's more than capable of walking on his own. While it's not always easy for either of us, I wouldn't change a thing.