My husband quit his job to become our kids' primary caretaker. Here's what has surprised me most about having a stay-at-home dad in our family.

• My husband wasn't feeling fulfilled with his job, so we decided he should be a stay-at-home dad.
• Our new dynamic has challenged traditional roles and sparks mixed reactions from our friends.
• There are things that surprise me about our arrangement, including FOMO and continued mom guilt.

Having a stay-at-home husband used to be a novelty for me, but after nearly a year of it, we've settled into a routine where mom works, and dad takes charge of the kids when they are not in school and daycare. While for the most part we are happy in our roles, there have been times when I have been surprised about the reactions to our situation — from both our peer network and within myself.

While my husband was never that interested in kids until we had our own, he has since blossomed as a dad, insisting that he thrives even with little downtime as he enjoys spending time with our two boys so much. Certainly, there's no better sound than hearing their eruptions of laughter at yet another of dad's silly games.

It means that when my husband ended up feeling unfulfilled in his last full-time role, it didn't take him long to decide that he would feel more satisfied taking care of our kids. This opened up the space for me to open myself up to full—time work as a freelance journalist, from my previous part-time capacity, and for us both to lean into the environment where we're most happy. While we're now settled into our roles, there are some things that have really surprised me about our situation.

My husband knows things about our kids that I don't

One of the biggest revelations for me is that my husband has come to know certain things about our kids more intimately than I do. For example, their food preferences, and when they need new clothes and shoes. When I take over meal prep on the weekends, he'll often step in when I'm about to put something on their plates that they no longer like, but which is news to me. I shouldn't be surprised that this happens, but it does make me feel a bit out of the loop, and like I've lost my edge as a mom.

I still contribute a lot to the family

I also feel compelled to "help" where possible, even though I am working full time. We split drop offs and picks up equally, and I help with chores like laundry when he's out with our youngest during the week. On Friday afternoons, I pause work to be able to take our oldest to his weekly swimming lesson, and on Saturday mornings, I take our youngest. I see it as our weekly bonding time. As I work from home most of the time, it's usually easy for me to step in.

I don't think this stems from mom guilt or not feeling like I can fully hand control over to my husband. It's quite the opposite, actually. I'm fully aware of everything on his to-do list and how being a stay-at-home parent is hardly the easier option, having taken 13 months maternity leave myself with our oldest son, now 6, when our roles were reversed.

Whether it's doing laundry, cooking, shopping, gardening, financial and life admin, plus providing silver butler service to our boys, he barely has a free moment all day. I know some moms I know who don't do paid work, or work part-time, while their partners work full-time, concentrating solely on their work during the day and being largely unavailable. I can only imagine how unsupported they must feel.

I still feel FOMO from time to time

It's also hard not to let FOMO (fear of missing out) creep in, especially when it sounds like everyone is having lots of fun in the other room while I am working. Or worse, when the boys come to blows and need grown-up intervention, and I have to stop myself from going in.

It can be distracting, but I like hearing what they are getting up to, because I miss them, even though we are in the same house at the same time.

Other people are going to have opinions about our arrangement

Other people's reactions have been strange too — perhaps not totally unsurprising, but a little disappointing and frustrating. We sometimes get asked how we're affording to live on just one income, even though there are plenty of stay at home moms in our school peer group and nobody asks them the same thing. Likewise, no one asks when the stay at home moms plan to get a job, but I regularly get asked this about my husband.

Our situation might not be permanent, as we're happy to flex as different opportunities arise, but I can bet that if I returned to being the primary carer, fewer people would ask about my career prospects.

Older people also seem to assume that my husband is working and I am at home with the kids. For example, at a recent family gathering an old family friend was with us looking on as our boys ran around the room. We were talking about what a handful they are, and the friend said to my husband, "But your wife does all the work, right?"

The friend also asked whether I was a terrible cook, because my husband looked like he'd lost weigh. Little did they know, he is the cook in our house, and always has been, even before we had kids. These kinds of preconceptions from older generations are unhelpful, but I try not to take it too personally and remember that things used to be different.

Mom guilt doesn't go away

The mom guilt does rise up, though, when I see how fast our youngest in particular is growing up. When our oldest was the same age, around 2, I worked four days a week, and Friday was our day together. I don't have that with our youngest at the moment, as it makes sense for me to work as much as possible, so sometimes I feel a pang of regret of what I could be missing with him.

But I have to remember he is with his dad, and when I was bonding with our oldest on our Friday adventures, daddy was at work. At that time, there were things that I experienced and he missed out on, so it feels like we've come full circle. What I love most, though, is how our boys are seeing that it doesn't matter which parent works and which parent is at home.