Best of Beth Ashley: A full life in one word — grateful
Editor’s note: The IJ is reprinting some of the late Beth Ashley’s columns. This is from 2015.
I had dinner with four friends the other night. For fun, I asked each of them to come up with an adjective that would best describe their current state of mind.
“Happy,” declared one woman, and I wasn’t surprised: She’s happily married, great to look at, travels far and wide, and has scads of good friends. What’s not to be happy about?
Another woman called herself happy, too: She has a supportive boyfriend, a secure retirement, a large, loving family and a calendar full of travel and good music. She has lots to be happy about. But she also has a family member who is chronically sick and another who needs lots of help. I know she is happy, but I would also say “brave.”
A third woman described her state of mind as “tentative.” She’s in a new intimate relationship that requires lots of adjustment and patience.
“I’m finding out that I’m not easy to live with,” she said.
But she is also known to be a major problem-solver, so I am betting that the “tentative” aspect of her life will not last.
The fourth woman described herself as “content,” which is a lovely place to be. Yet the word hardly describes what I see. This woman has accomplished a great deal in her life, but she remains an activist, always turning up new ways to be helpful and effective. I’m not sure she qualifies as “content” when she’s always working on social flaws she wants to repair.
These are all wonderful women and I truly admire what they have done with their lives.
I described myself as “grateful.”
A day hardly passes that I don’t think to myself how lucky I am.
Of course, I was born lucky, with two kind, wonderfully supportive parents.
I also had two beautiful older sisters and a brother who — in spite of kiddie rivalry (mother always loved him best) — has always been my dear friend.
Some people might say that I was unlucky to change homes many times during childhood, but I think of those times as a blessing. I got to know both coasts of this country and a lot of cities in between before I finally graduated from high school in Southern California.
And Stanford! What a boon that was: great classes, great friends and great personal discoveries.
Throughout my 89 years, life has unfolded in wondrous ways. Yes, there have been painful times — the divorce from my first husband and the death from cancer of my second.
But my two marriages brought me the five sons who became the real treasures of my life. The best thing ever is having someone to love.
I’m not trying to bore you with details of all that has happened to me. I’m just suggesting that when we look back, we see that many things, initially horrible, can also have a bright side. If I hadn’t been widowed, and forced to go to work, I’d have missed all those happy years at the IJ.
If I hadn’t been divorced and widowed, I wouldn’t have been available for my current marriage, to the “boy” I loved when I was 13.
This marriage is full of brightness — lots of laughter, lots of travel, lots of hand-holding and mutual trust.
I love my husband and he loves me.
How could I not be grateful?