Asking Eric: How can I remain civil after what the bride’s father did?
Dear Eric: It has recently come to light that the father of my goddaughter has been cheating on his wife for almost the entirety of their 30-year marriage.
For some reason, the wife has decided to stay with this man.
My goddaughter’s destination wedding is coming up soon. I don’t want to be in a room with this man, let alone hug or converse with him.
Any tips on how to remain civil over the course of the weekend?
– Disgusted Godmom
Dear Godmom: You can respect your goddaughter’s mother’s choice while drawing a personal line with the father.
Either before the wedding or in a private moment on the day of, tell him the truth: “I find it really hard to accept this new information I’ve learned. Your marriage is your business, but I can’t have a relationship with you. For the sake of your daughter, I’m bringing this up now so that we can be civil while still giving each other space.”
Weddings are busy events with a lot of different interactions. You won’t be able to avoid taking photos with him, but by being clear upfront, you can avoid small talk made with gritted teeth.
Dear Eric: My favorite local pub has wonderful food except for the fries. They take up half the plate and are inedible.
My last chicken sandwich was flanked with a huge serving of flaccid cardboard-tasting fries served cold.
The owner would probably save money and keep customers if they served bagged frozen beer-battered fries which are predictable and cheap.
Three meals at this pub over a month with no improvement in the fries is my limit. How should I let the owner know his soggy fries are running me off?
Just serve potato salad if you like them wet and cold like that. Reliable, delicious fries are one of the pillars of a good pub feed and a trusted bar.
– French Fry Flop
Dear French Fry: I love low-stakes drama, and I love French fries, so I’m eating this question up (with ketchup and sometimes ranch).
A simple path: Just tell the owner what your experience has been and what you’d like to see coming out of the kitchen. They’d surely appreciate a direct conversation with a customer willing to give them another chance more than a stranger leaving a scathing online review.
A good way into this conversation, and others like it, is to ask, “Are you open to some feedback?” Now, sometimes the answer is “No, thank you.” But the restaurant industry lives on word-of-mouth (pun partially intended). If you don’t like the fries, you’re not likely to recommend the pub. If you do, you’ll bring friends to the place.
You write that it’s your favorite pub, save for this one thing. If I were the owner, I’d want to make it your favorite place without reservation. And if this particular owner brushes you off, maybe next time order a salad or soup on the side instead.
Dear Eric: This is in response to “Seriously Scratching,” who has an aversion to dogs in public spaces.
I am a practicing attorney. I am also disabled and require the assistance of my service dog to function.
A genuine service dog should not be approaching strangers unless their handler is in need of urgent assistance. If a dog is being disruptive, such as barking (with the exception of barking to alert to something like a medical condition), wandering or displaying aggression, the management of a restaurant or other business can legally ask that the dog be removed from the premises.
I’ve noticed untrained Emotional Support Animals (ESAs) being presented as service dogs. This is often not intentional fraud but is due to the handler not understanding the difference between an ESA and a service dog. ESAs provide comfort and emotional support for their handlers and are exempt from certain travel and housing laws, but they do not have the public access rights that a service dog does.
Employees of any restaurant, store or other business are permitted to ask a handler with a dog two questions: “Is that a service dog?” and “What task is the dog trained to perform?” If the answer to the second question is, “The dog provides emotional support,” that person can be asked to remove the animal, because the Americans with Disabilities Act specifically states that providing emotional support is not considered a task.
– The Lady with the Dog
Dear Lady: This is a helpful distinction. I chose to print it not to pit those with ESAs against those with service dogs, and I don’t think your letter does that. Instead, I think it highlights the importance of communication, education and compassion for others.
These dogs provide valuable services. When the humans they care for operate responsibly, everyone gets to coexist peacefully.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.