Dear Abby: How do we tell friends their daughter is a spoiled brat?
DEAR ABBY: My friend "Buddy's" daughter is at an age between my two daughters' ages. She is 11; mine are 10 and 13. I've known Buddy since junior high, and our wives get along well. We live close to each other, and that's great, but their daughter "Edie" is a nightmare to have stay with us. She's mean, arrogant, disobedient and incredibly rude.
My wife and I love spending time with Buddy and his wife. Their younger daughter is 3 and adorable but also very spoiled. We don't want to jeopardize our friendship, but it's starting to wear on us to have Edie here without going off on them about her behavior. How can we bring this to their attention without it seeming like we're critiquing their parenting and upsetting them? — FED UP IN ILLINOIS
DEAR FED UP: Is Edie mean, arrogant, disobedient and rude in the presence of her parents, or has she been invited to spend time with your girls separately? If it is the latter and you don't want Edie to negatively influence your girls by modeling bad behavior, explain to her that you have "certain rules" at your house and what they are. Make sure she knows that if she can't follow the rules she won't be invited again.
If Edie behaves this badly in her parents' presence, tell Buddy and his wife privately that although you value their friendship, you no longer want their daughter over there because you don't want her behavior to influence your own kids.
DEAR ABBY: I've been divorced for 13 years and have been dating "Paul" for the last five years. Paul is kind, helps with things around the house and loves my friends and family. We share many common interests and enjoy being together. We are now considering moving to the next step: marriage. We already live together.
The problem is that Paul is not financially responsible. He helps pay the bills, and we alternate picking up the tab when we go out. I earn more than he does, which is no big deal, but I do not have retirement set up or great insurance. If we were married, it would help my insurance problems. The house and assets are in my name.
Part of the reason for my divorce was my ex's inability to manage money, which got us into a world of debt. I don't want to go through that again. I'd love to marry Paul but do not want to take on his financial debt. What's the right decision to make? — STUCK ON THIS IN WISCONSIN
DEAR STUCK: The right thing for you to do would be to discuss this with an attorney who can help you figure out if you really want to be legally married to Paul. Marrying someone to get on his insurance is not the right way to go. Talking with an insurance agent about a program for which you might be eligible would be not only enlightening but also advantageous.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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