I became a widow at 46. I wish I had been more financially prepared.
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- My husband died when I was 46, and I received a wake-up call about financial preparedness.
- His life insurance policy was a lifesaver as I developed a more long-term plan for our family.
- I sought professional advice to get through that time, and I'm glad I did.
In the wee hours of the morning, several days after my husband's death in 2003 from sudden cardiac arrest, I awoke out of breath, my heart racing. Would my daughters be able to stay in their schools? Could I continue to pay the mortgage on our home?
When my husband accepted his first overseas diplomatic assignment, I gave up my career. Once back in the States, I began to slowly rebuild my professional life, but I was far behind my peers in earning power and savings. Still, I didn't worry too much about our income and my slow-growing 403b. We weren't diligent savers; we had mortgages, car loans, and two children in private schools. We relied on the assumption that Uncle Sam had our backs.
Insurance was a lifesaver for me during that time
Suddenly, with a base salary of $42,000 a year, I became responsible for my two teenage daughters and, as an only child, my elderly mom. My husband had good life insurance in place (with his morbid sense of humor, he often joked about how "well off" I'd be when he died), which was a godsend, but I needed to understand how to use our money efficiently.
Most financial experts say you should have enough money in your emergency savings fund to cover three to six months' worth of living expenses. Being unprepared is exacerbated if you are not used to navigating the finances. In my case, I was aware of our position in general terms, but large decisions, such as our daughters' education and buying or selling a home or vehicle, were always joint.
As my husband's beneficiary, I received his federal life insurance payout. Early on, I received incorrect information, leading me to believe that I needed to keep the insurance payout I received in the low-interest settlement account. Learning that I was able to move it to an account that delivered a higher rate of return eased a lot of stress. My initial priority was not investing but making sure I had enough money coming in to pay our bills. I chose to work with an advisor at our credit union to invest the money in instruments that would conserve — and hopefully increase — my principal and provide an income stream to supplement my small salary.
I developed a long-term financial plan
My advisor suggested investments that would help me achieve the goals we had planned for our daughters. I was happy to learn I'd be able to keep my younger daughter in parochial high school and enable my older daughter to remain at her current college. Next, I paid off some high-interest items with part of the insurance money, which eased the burden on my modest income and saved me from having to make large draws from our investment accounts. Later, I tackled estate planning issues such as updating my own will and beneficiaries on all financial items.
Even though I knew how to access our bill-paying software and bank accounts, having no real savings of my own and a meager retirement plan due to contributions of only the 10 years we'd been back in the States made me anxious. The reality of planning a possible solo retirement made me again wish I'd been wiser about my personal saving practices. Soon after tragedy strikes, many widows and widowers rush to make huge — and sometimes unwise —
major financial decisions. A short time after my husband's death, I considered selling our home. but an accountant friend advised me to wait until I was on steadier emotional ground. I'm glad I did because the house appreciated in value, and I was able to secure a good price when I did sell it 15 years later.
I learned a lot about financial preparedness when I became a young widow
In my grief support group, I saw firsthand others having to sell homes or move in with family after losing a spouse or partner's income. I know I was fortunate because of my husband's foresight in planning for a future that did not include him. Because my life insurance had always come as a benefit of my employment, I purchased additional insurance to guarantee that the girls would have some assets should my financial situation change, or I could no longer work.
Even though I learned a lot by becoming a young widow, I wish I'd known more about financial planning before tragedy struck. Having to shoulder the weight of a family's financial present and future only added to my already fragile emotional state. At least, seeking both professional and personal help and a dose of strategic planning eased one of the burdens I felt immediately after my husband's death.