CHEESEHEAD (CARTOON AND COLUMN)
I never thought Democrats had a chance in Florida.
Two special elections for Congress were held in Florida, both being strong Republican seats. One was the seat vacated by Michael Waltz who left to join the Trump administration where he could leak classified information on Signal group chats with other morons.
Democrats thought the seat was competitive, but Republican Randy Fines won last night by 14 points.
In the other district, vacated by Matt Giggity Gaetz, Democrats outspent Republican Jimmy Patronis yet still lost by 14.6 points. What were they thinking running a candidate named Gay in Florida, in Matt Gaetz’s old district, nonetheless?
This gives Republicans and Trump a House advantage of 220 to 213.
As I said, I didn’t believe Democrats had a shot in Florida. One indicator was that Elon Musk didn’t campaign and drop millions of dollars into those races…like he did in Wisconsin.
Wisconsin’s Supreme Court is supposed to be non-partisan, so it’s not Democrats versus Republicans. It’s Liberal versus Conservative. The court had a 4-3 Liberal majority last night, and today, it’s still a 4-3 liberal majority.
This race was the most expensive judicial contest in US history, with $90 million invested in the race, with $25 million of that coming from Elon Musk alone. That’s probably just claw machine money for him, but he still didn’t get to snatch a state supreme court seat and probably spent $25 million to catch a plushie saying, “Keep on truckin’.”
Liberal Susan Crawford defeated Conservative Brad Schimel by ten points last night. It wasn’t even close. How did Elon in a cheesy cheesehead not work?
Why is the Democratic win in Wisconsin significant and the GOP win in Florida not?
The two districts in Florida were already Republican, and one of them is the most conservative fucknut district in the nation. How are Democrats supposed to win where voters are racist and stupid enough to send Matt Gaetz to Congress five times? They might be more racist and stupid than Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert’s voters. If anything, Democrats can take comfort in that the Republicans’ margins of victories were 15 percent lower in those districts than last November.
This is bad news for Republicans in the midterms because when Trump isn’t on the ballot, fewer MAGAts vote. Republicans should enjoy that 220-213 House majority while it lasts because it won’t. We’re not going to talk about the Senate today.
Wisconsin is significantly different. Trump won the state last November…barely. The friends I made last July in Milwaukee told me they were afraid he’d win the state, and he did by less than one percent.
Special elections usually have lower voter turnout, and last night’s in Wisconsin was predicted to be tight. That was another failed prediction because the Liberal won 55-45. That’s a 10-point Democratic win in a state that has been decided by less than one point in each of the past three presidential races.
When I heard Elon was spending big money in Wisconsin on a state supreme court race, I knew Republicans were scared. And when I heard Elon was going to personally campaign in Wisconsin for a state supreme court race, I knew Republicans were stupid. Has no one shown Elon his polls?
A new Harvard/Harris poll shows that 49 percent hate Elon while 39 like him. But maybe Elon didn’t see the poll and only listened to Trump, who posted to Shit Social after the poll results were released, “Wow!!! People are loving Elon, a GREAT PATRIOT. Nice to see!!! DJT.”
If that’s what convinced Elon to go to Wisconsin to take a giant dump, thank you, DJT, you shit-fire smoldering dumbass. Speaking of the walking orange turd, his polls are down too. In fact, the only newly elected president to have polls worse than Trump’s is Donald Trump.
The only president worse than Trump is Trump. We didn’t need a second Trump administration to remind us how fucking horrible and rancid the first one was. Seriously, America, what’s wrong with you?
The good news here is that none of this bodes well for Trump winning a third term if he’s somehow able to destroy the Constitution first. The other good news is, he’s going to lose the House in 2026. The bad news for us is that he’s still going to “legislate” through executive orders for the next four years.
I can’t make predictions about the 2028 presidential election because I’m not confident we’ll have an election or at least a fair one in 2028. Do you think Trump is going to serve his term without engaging in fuckery with the elections? He has already issued an illegal executive order changing rules on national elections. Since when can a president single-handedly change election laws?
Our future elections will have the same integrity as the elections in Saddam Hussein’s Iraq. By the way, I predict that over the next four years, some government structure or land will be named after Donald Trump. He may do it himself with an EO. They may create a monument identical to the Washington Monument and name it the Trump Monument, except it’ll have to be a lot smaller.
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Visit Clay Jones’ website and email him at clayjonz@gmail.com.
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