Harriette Cole: I’m an influencer, and I didn’t expect this harsh feedback
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a social media influencer.
I’m still fairly new to all this. I’ve been on social media for a while, but in the past year or two, things have changed drastically, and my following grew.
There are many upsides to having this larger community, but there are a few downsides I wasn’t really prepared for.
How do you deal with harsh or negative feedback? How do I create boundaries on a public platform?
— Tough Crowd
DEAR TOUGH CROWD: Establishing values as you build your audience is important.
You can let your community know that while you do welcome constructive criticism, you expect people to be respectful. Tell them that if they go too far with vitriolic statements, you will block them.
Explain your values clearly so that everyone knows what crossing the line looks like. You have to be clear about this; otherwise, you could get backlash from your audience.
There’s a fine line here, because you want to establish a space where people feel like they can express their opinions. At the same time, you must establish tone and guidelines on what you deem acceptable communication.
Figure it out and tell them. Then, when people cross the line, block them.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor sometimes seeks out my husband before she thinks to call me.
She is a bit older than me and my husband, and we’ve been next-door neighbors and friends for the past 20 years or so. She and I hang out sometimes, too. Now I’m wondering why she is so fond of my husband.
The other night, for instance, she seemed to be feeling ill — and she asked my husband to stop by for support.
Her husband died recently, and she is getting older, so we often check on her, but I don’t know. I wonder: Is this some strange jealousy, or do I have valid concerns?
— Clingy Neighbor
DEAR CLINGY NEIGHBOR: Trust your instincts. Whether or not it is innocent, it looks like your neighbor is seeking comfort from your man now that she no longer has one.
You can use humor to dissipate this. Next time you are in her company, jokingly tell her you’re watching her: “Keep your hands off my man!” or some such. Make it clear to her that you care about her and appreciate her friendship, and you should be her go-to friend.
Alert your husband as well. Point out that your neighbor seems to be extra clingy to him right now. While you trust him, you want him to be aware of what you have observed. You don’t have a problem with them being friends, but you have noticed that she seems to be relying on him more than feels healthy.
Perhaps you can visit her only as a couple for a while. Reset the boundaries in your relationship. Invite her to come over to your home as well. Support her in this time of her life, but make it clear that the two of you are a unit.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.