Trump Announces 25% Tariff On Talking Cars
WASHINGTON—In a stunning escalation of his ongoing automotive trade war, President Donald Trump announced Friday that he was imposing a 25% tariff on foreign-made cars that talk, make wisecracks, and have real emotions just like people. “For too long, the American market for cars that not only talk but have a personality all their own has been flooded with imports,” Trump said in a fiery address, stating that U.S. manufacturers of sentient, anthropomorphized cars that flap their hoods to speak, use their headlights to see, and curl their bumpers to smile would profit greatly under the new policy. “Our rivals are sending us talking cars that honk to flirt or use their radios to deliver sly zingers after they win a big race. Herbie the Love Bug is a Volkswagen Beetle. Let’s send him back to Germany where he belongs.” Trump added that he would also sign an executive order making the official language of talking cars English.
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