The comeback of lavender marriages: TikTok, taxes, and tired singles

The lavender marriage, once a strategy used by queer couples to pass as straight, is trending again—but for an entirely new set of reasons. As financial instability and housing costs rise and young folks become increasingly disenfranchised with dating apps, they are embracing platonic relationships as a logistical alternative to traditional marriage.

The concept goes back to the late 19th century but has taken on a new life in the 21st. Today, people call it a recession indicator and someone has made an app for it, while others lament the term's use as a new expression of homophobia.

What is a lavender marriage?

One of the first uses of the term "lavender marriage" came from the British press in 1895, back when that particular color was code for queerness. Back, then it referred to a marriage between a man and a woman, at least one of them gay, to conceal their orientation from the public.

Back then, it was exceedingly difficult to get work or have any kind of life out of the closet, so gay men and lesbian women teamed up to fool the world. There were multiple notable examples among Hollywood actors around that time. Getting outed as queer could also be incredibly dangerous in many places.

As TikTok commenter @yhtill notes on a video hinting at this history, "It was a survival mechanism."

Mentions of the term "lavender marriage" resurfaced in the 2020s as economic pressures rose, trending among Gen Z in October 2024.

Why are people seeking out these marriages again?

In the modern world, young people who are straight or attracted to multiple genders are increasingly turning to lavender marriages for financial reasons including shared expenses and tax breaks. This trend has a strong draw in the U.S., where there is no place in which a person making minimum wage can afford a moderately priced two-bedroom apartment.

In addition to the money angle, people are also increasingly fed up with dating, especially through apps. Frustrations with ghosting and uncommitted partners have some saying that love is dead, so why not marry your best friend instead?

Of course, concerns about homophobia are not over. Anti-LGBTQ+ sentiment is on the rise, increasing by 112 percent from 2022 to 2024 according to GLAAD. Being out remains unsafe in many areas of the U.S.

"Despite progress, there are still many parts of the world where being openly queer is dangerous, even illegal,” gender and sexuality expert Edward Reese told Vice. “In many states, a young person wouldn’t want to admit to their conservative parents they’re not straight. So, a lavender marriage might be a good way to prove to one—or both—individuals’ families and communities that they are ‘normal.’”

@jerzotto Replying to @casey ???? Lavender Marriages now available on @GEN WE #lavendermarriage ♬ original sound - Jeremy Del Zotto

For all these reasons, the idea of a lavender marriage has become so appealing to so many that TikTok user @jerzotto announced on Feb. 2, 2025, that he's launching an app called "GEN WE" that helps users find convenience partners. Meanwhile, gay men are making TikTok videos advertising their availability and perks to women.

"Ladies, if you ever want to marry a gay man, the one thing I will promise you is I will never make you watch sports ball on TV," says @mrwilliamsprek.

'Lavender marriage' is the new 'metrosexual'

Unfortunately, with a new trend comes some form of drama. It seems that people are starting to point at certain married men and whisper that they must be in a lavender marriage. These assumptions are based on the man doing anything one might perceive as feminine.

This echoes an early 2000s era trend in which men who dressed nice and washed themselves regularly were often called "metrosexual."

As TikToker @pecuiliar puts it, "y'all say 'lavender marriage' when a man isn't too insecure to show his feminine side is lowk homophobic just saying lol."

Some of these individuals may have also forgotten that bisexual people exist, which still seems to happen a lot. And if homophobia is on the rise, you can bet anti-bisexual attitudes are up as well.

"Is this also a safe space to say that all of the people that “don’t date bisexual men” are blatantly homophobic?" asked commenter @literaldisease. "Because I’be [sic] been seeing SO MUCH MORE of that rhetoric."

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