Topless schoolgirls, drugs & slurs… my teen son’s secret diary left me in tears – how feral schools are will horrify you
FLICKING on the TV to watch Netflix hit Adolescence with her husband, mum-of-two Felicity Mellors, 42, was frozen with horrified fascination.
It tells the story of 13-year-old Jamie, played by Owen Cooper, who, to the horror of his dad Eddie (Stephen Graham) and mum Manda (Christine Tremarco), is arrested for the fatal stabbing of a girl classmate.
Only too late, they then discover he had been sucked into twisted online forums.
Felicity, 42, just felt relieved her two teenage lads had a safe, suburban upbringing – until she sat down to breakfast with them the next day and got a shock . . .
AS a mum of teenage boys I felt sick with worry after binge-watching all four episodes of Adolescence.
Viewing all the horrendous things happening to teens in the show, from revenge porn to bullying and violent attacks, I thought it was far-fetched.
But over bowls of Weetabix the next morning I spoke to Danny, 15, and Samuel, 17, and had a frank discussion.
What I discovered made me sick to the pit of my stomach, as they shared how horrendous their school experiences are.
Danny, who’s at a secondary comp in Manchester, admitted he’d had enough of keeping silent and gave me full access to his phone and kept a diary.
What I found out has left me waking nauseous with worry daily, as I now know what his week might entail…
MONDAY
It’s 9am in the classroom and there is a picture doing the rounds of one of the girls from the year above, topless.
By 2pm the photo had reached my mate’s mobile.
I hate seeing these images that are spread through the school about fortnightly, so I didn’t look.
I feel sorry for the girl. It’s a vile thing to do to a person, but I won’t report it.
I’d feel too embarrassed, and it’s a criminal offence that I don’t want my mates being charged with.
This image sharing after hook-ups happens to boys regularly too, one of my friends was blackmailed for £100 to stop a girl he’d dated showing a picture of his privates.
Teachers haven’t a clue how to handle this.
I’ve heard rumours there are also faked pictures, using the faces of girls imposed on a porn star’s body.
I first saw porn when I was 10 and started watching it regularly at 13.
But I don’t now – though friends show me clips after school.
TUESDAY
It’s gym today in school.
I work out a lot and have done since I was 14, because I want to look ripped.
Looking at fitness videos on TikTok I get bombarded with videos with content that’s often very sexist and rude about girls on OnlyFans: branding them ‘filthy’ and ‘disgusting’.
But the men also say if you look as ripped as them, you’ll get girls like that – It’s confusing.
Fitness videos also try to sell you money-making schemes. One of my mates fell for a ‘how to make money on bitcoin’ one. It cost £100 and was a scam.
Seeing how jacked influencers are makes me feel insecure about my body.
WEDNESDAY
Someone tried to mug me today.
I was walking home in the dark at around 9pm, after hanging out with a mate in my local shopping centre.
I could feel someone following me, and glimpsed behind me a tall man with his face covered.
He asked the time, when I told him 9pm he asked to see my phone to prove it.
I knew he was planning to rob me – so I ran as I was so close to home, he didn’t chase me and I got back safely.
My heart pounded, but I didn’t cry.
It was something I’d been dreading happening – three good friends have experienced it before and lost their phones and watches.
I always worried about how I’d cope when it was my turn. It’s a relief now it’s done.
HOW TO HELP TEENS WHO USE TECH
Daisy Greenwell, Director and Co-founder of the Smartphone-Free Childhood movement says: “Any internet-enabled device can expose your child to harm, whether it’s an ipad, gaming devices or laptop.
If you suspect that your child is being exposed to harmful ideologies, don’t be afraid to look at their device with them, talk to them about it, and implement stronger parental controls.
You can block apps, only allow them to visit websites that you’ve given permission for and limit screen time.
Ultimately it’s not fair that parents shoulder the whole burden for policing their children’s digital lives.
Consider arranging a meeting with your headteacher about stricter phone controls within the school grounds.
A meeting with your local MP can also be helpful, particularly if you can unite with other parents with similar concerns.”
The Young Minds charity has a helpline for parents, and can offer support with smartphone worries: 0808 802 5544.
THURSDAY
I told my mates about the mugging and we all joked about it.
I gained respect because I kept my phone. I even laughed at my mates who’d had theirs taken, it’s a weird world when being mugged is cool.
My mates think I’m edgy, because it happened near my house, which shows I live in a rough area even though I don’t. This means I’m tough.
Gaining respect is so important, as then you’ll be left alone.
FRIDAY
My phone pings as I leave school.
It’s a drug dealer, he must have got my Snapchat details from someone.
He texts regularly to say he’s in the area around my school. Their message just reads ‘active’. I’ve never replied but get messages about three times a week.
I’ve never done drugs but I imply that I might have with mates. It’s a badge of honour to have a drug dealer contacting you – so I haven’t blocked him.
I did buy a THC vape, that heats a liquid containing cannabis to get you high, from TikTok once. But it was dud.
A mate bought a vape a year ago from TikTok, it was laced with something that made him ill, we think it was spice, a man-made cannabis.
He was high, but vomiting and sweating for hours, although I was scared we didn’t call for help as we didn’t want him to get into trouble.
None of us have done it since.
SATURDAY
Went to a mate’s birthday party, which started at a park playing football.
A hard tackle on me, by my mate, turned into a full-blown fight.
We were shoving and punching and you can’t back down once you’ve started as then you’ll lose respect.
Friends pulled us apart luckily, as that is the only way it would end: neither of us will give up. We’re quick to put it behind us.
SUNDAY
I’m on my phone a lot today, I watch TikTok or YouTube mostly and usually fitness videos.
I scroll through some group chats and two of the boys are having a fight. I see a reply to a deleted message where someone calls someone else the ‘n’ word.
This isn’t unusual, I stay quiet as I don’t want to be involved.
I peek at the emojis posted under the messages.
There are so many: red pills mean you’re like Andrew Tate, a woman hater. A black pill aimed at you means you’re an ugly, sweaty man who will never get a woman, a complete loser.
The boys in my class are often racist, we had an assembly about that and homophobia a few weeks ago, we were told to tell teachers if you hear bigoted stuff, but nobody does.
The phrase you hear most often in school is ‘snitches get stitches’ and none of us want those.
All names have been changed.
MUM'S REACTION
I READ this diary with my husband – we both had tears in our eyes.
I have been deeply in denial that my 15-year-old would be caught up in fights, targeted by drug dealers, accept racist jokes and buy dodgy vapes from TikTok.
I was left shaking for hours after reading it. I did not know he had accessed porn and feel horrified for the poor children having nudes shared.
I thought Adolescence was the wake-up call that other parents and teachers needed – now I realise how true this is in my own home.
I was very out of touch with what’s going on in my teenagers’ lives, as all parents are.
I’ve spoken to my elder son and he said something strangely heartening, confirming that he’d been through all the same stuff as my younger lad, but that boys were at their worst aged 13 to 16 and he feels he’s out the other side.
I’m going to educate myself on what my sons might be watching, I’ll start searching for fitness videos and see where the algorithms lead me.