Harriette Cole: The grandmothers got in a fight, and people were fleeing our party
DEAR HARRIETTE: I threw my 2-year-old daughter a birthday party last week and invited my husband’s family and my family.
I was so excited to have everyone together to celebrate, but the day quickly turned stressful when our mothers got into a heated argument.
It started as a few passive-aggressive comments, but it escalated when my mother-in-law made a remark about how she spends more time with my daughter and knows her routine better. My mom fired back, saying she’s just as much of a grandmother and doesn’t need to compete for affection.
Before I knew it, they were going back and forth, bringing up old grievances and accusing each other of being the “worse” grandmother.
They completely lost sight of the fact that this was supposed to be a joyful day for our little girl. The tension became so unbearable that some guests left early.
Now both of them are acting like they were the victim, expecting my husband and me to take their side.
How can I set boundaries with our mothers and ensure my daughter’s special moments aren’t overshadowed by their issues?
— Too Much Bickering
DEAR TOO MUCH BICKERING: Together, you and your husband should reach out to each of your mothers and express your profound disappointment in their behavior at your daughter’s party.
Remind them that the party was for her, and their focus should have been on her happiness. Instead, you watched them derail the party with their petty competition.
Tell them that if they expect to spend time with their granddaughter in the future, they have to stop, figure out a way to make up with each other and behave civilly moving forward.
When they try to deflect and blame the other grandmother for the incident, stand firmly and say that you saw it all and know it was both of them. They must stop now.
DEAR HARRIETTE: A few months ago, I was dating a guy I really liked. We got along well; we had great conversation and similar values, and I genuinely saw potential for something serious.
Then, out of nowhere, he completely ghosted me. No explanation, no closure — he just stopped calling and texting.
I was hurt and confused, especially since things had been going so well.
Now, out of the blue again, he’s reached out, acting like nothing happened. He says he’s been busy and that he regrets how things ended. From what I can tell, he’s doing really well career-wise, and part of me wonders if he’s in a better place to be in a relationship now.
I still have feelings for this man, but I can’t ignore how disrespectful it was for him to disappear like that.
Should I hear him out and see if things could be different this time, or is it a mistake to let someone back into my life who treated me that way?
— Can I Trust Him?
DEAR CAN I TRUST HIM?: Before resuming a relationship with this guy, find out what happened. Don’t let him off the hook.
Why did he disappear? Did he have another girlfriend? What obligations took him away? Why did he think it was acceptable to ghost you without a word of explanation?
You deserve to know what happened. Otherwise, you will be showing him that even when he treats you wrong, you will still take him back.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.