My husband insists that having kids isn't worth the cost. How do I make him change his mind?

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• For Love & Money is a column from Business Insider answering your relationship and money questions.
• This week, a reader's husband feels the cost of children outweighs the benefits.
• Our columnist suggests asking a friend with similar finances for their perspective on the cost.
• Got a question for our columnist? Write to For Love & Money using this Google form.

Dear For Love & Money,

I've always dreamed of being a mother, but my husband insists that kids are just too expensive. We're financially stable — comfortable, even — but he's worried about the long-term costs like college, healthcare, and childcare.

I understand his concerns, but I feel like if we keep waiting for the "perfect" time, it'll never come. How do I help him see that raising a child is about more than just the price tag?

Sincerely,

Motherhood on Hold

Dear Motherhood on Hold,

Knowing when or if you should have children is a personal choice, but it typically involves two people who each have to make that personal choice together. This can be as complicated as it sounds.

Anyone who cares enough to consider the consequences, their own abilities, and all the realities of parenthood may find it difficult to know if or when they should have children. However, where those considerations take a person varies by the individual.

Some people aren't comfortable having kids until they have four years of tuition and a wedding fund set aside in a dedicated savings account. Others are comfortable starting a family as long as they make enough to afford diapers.

And some can't imagine bringing a child into the world at all. Again, the decision to have children or not is much too personal for there to ever be one right answer. The trouble is, however, exactly what you're experiencing — sometimes, the right answer for one half of a couple is very different than it is for the other half.

Before you do anything, make sure you are clear on what your husband is really saying. He's either saying, "I don't want kids. Besides, they're too expensive," or he's saying, "I wish we could have kids; too bad we can't afford them." If it's the former, and he doesn't actually want to be a father, you must handle things much differently than if he really wants children but finds the price tag overwhelming.

Unfortunately, if you want to have kids but your husband simply doesn't, you have a tough decision to make. You can try to get to the bottom of his core objections and attempt to change his mind, but I wouldn't bet on your success. Even if you manage to get your way, you may find yourself living in the shadow of his resentment and regret over not living out his child-free dreams.

You're better off accepting his stance and figuring out your own. What do you want more: your husband or future children? Remember, there is no right answer, only your answer.

However, if you are sure that your husband does want children on some level and the cost is the only thing holding him back, I think there are a couple of ways you might get him past the price tag.

Try looking for trusted friends who you suspect aren't rolling in cash but still have kids. Explain your dilemma to them, and then ask your husband if he would be open to having dinner with these friends and discussing the financial impact parenthood has had on them and the emotional satisfaction that it's brought. Ask them if having their kids was worth the cost.

My husband and I had our first child a year after we married — four years earlier than planned. This changed the course of my career, as my earning power at the time wouldn't have come close to covering the cost of childcare. We always wanted our children spaced closely in age, so we went ahead and had two more.

From the start, our budget has revolved around diapers, car seats, preschool tuition, and massive grocery hauls. Our three children defined our entire financial history. I know I can speak for my husband when I say we wouldn't change a thing.

Every new car or home purchase we've made to accommodate our growing family, every time we've had to multiply airline tickets by five, every single penny has been worth it. Yes, this means we've had to raise our kids in a way that will best qualify them for scholarships. All our vacations have been domestic rather than foreign. It has meant a million and one financial sacrifices, and still … worth it.

Just because this has been the case for us, however, doesn't mean it will be for everyone else. My experience tells me your instinct that "raising a child is more than a price tag" is a good one, though.

If your husband is open to hearing this, you could also get down to the specifics of that price tag. Put a realistic mock budget together that reflects the sacrifices you are willing to make and those you aren't. Perhaps showing him that a working strategy exists will give him the confidence to go for it.

But even if he doesn't, remember that staying honest is the most important thing you can do right now. You want to be a mother. You're allowed to want this — even if, in the face of your husband's dire calculations, it feels unwise; even if your husband doesn't feel the same way.

Shoving your desire for a child down will only cause your husband to live in the shadow of your regret and resentment, which is as unfair to him as it would be to you.

So, keep your heart open, make your case, and make the right decisions, even if they're hard.

Rooting for you,

For Love & Money

Looking for advice on how your savings, debt, or another financial challenge is affecting your relationships? Write to For Love & Money using this Google form.