Dear Abby: How can I show my wife I appreciate her forbearance?
DEAR ABBY: My wife puts up with me, and I adore her for it. I have my challenges.
I was involved in a head-on car crash 15 years ago and have suffered a number of long-term injuries from it. I can do most of what I want physically, but not everything. I have taken medications for residual brain issues from the crash and can become angry without much warning.
I have had both family and individual therapy. I exercise, meditate (but not nearly as often as I should), take medications to keep me stable and have reminders in various places about what I should do and not do.
I buy my wife flowers pretty regularly and stay playful often. I also take good care of our special-needs son.
What other things would you suggest I do to help her know I adore her?
— LUCKY GUY IN FLORIDA
DEAR LUCKY GUY: Your wife probably already knows. But if you apologize when you fly off the handle, show affection, and tell her every day how much you love her and how blessed you feel to have her in your life, it will convey the message you want to deliver.
DEAR ABBY: I recently reconnected with a colleague from work. We were friendly, but not really what I would call friends.
We reconnected on social media and have had lunch a few times.
The problem is, she has become a very negative, aggressive, angry person. She spends our time bashing family, former colleagues and just about every service professional she has encountered. She refuses to stop talking about politics even though I’ve made it clear I’m not comfortable with it.
The first lunch was bad, but I thought I’d give it another shot. The second lunch was worse, and I decided I wouldn’t reach out or make plans again. Then she said she didn’t have a lot of friends, and that made me feel inclined to try to befriend her.
Two or three lunches later, I just cannot keep doing it. I’m trying to rid myself of negative influences, some of whom are family members, and I don’t need to continue spending time with this individual.
If she reaches out again, should I keep making excuses until she gets the hint, or should I be honest?
I’m somewhat afraid of her because, seeing the way she bashes people, I know she would bash me to other people we know, and I could do without that.
— MISTAKEN IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR MISTAKEN: There is no reason to be unpleasant to this troubled woman.
Start being busy when she contacts you. If she traps you by saying something like, “If your schedule is too full this month, how about next month?” make a date with her.
If she starts bashing others, stop her. Smile and say, “Let’s talk about something else. Something pleasant.”
Then continue being less available for longer stretches of time. When you become harder to reach often enough, she’ll eventually lose interest.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.