In Ben we trust – Wales 3 Kazakhstan 1

At squeaky bum time (45 minutes) nobody would’ve put Ben Davies down as the guy to rustle up a goal to calm everyone’s heebie-jeebies, screaming abdabs or chronic collywobbles.

Fantastic goal line clearances, yes. Brilliant last-ditch tackle, check. Fifty yard 70mph chase and snaffle, aye.

Goal, no.

He was probably zillion to one at the bookies to score the next one, behind the Kazakh fan who was wandering round the city centre before the game with what looked like a dead fox on his head, and my mum, now 87 but not at the match.

But there he was just two minutes after squeaky bum time, to stick his head on it. 2-1.

Phew! Abdabs sorted.

Great assists by Sorba Thomas and the Kazakh goalie should be noted too. Sorba Thomas man of the match for me. Ben hero of the match, AGAIN!

Possibly for the umpteenth umpteenth time. A guy who can probably play for us til he’s 50 though I imagine he ain’t that stupid, and his joints will be shot to shit by then.

It’s like there’s nothing he cannot do.

Difficult birth in hospital, get him masked up and on hand with the expert pelvic floor exercise instructions.

Crime wave in north London? He’s probably already helping the Met as part of Spurs outreach programme to stop dodgy geezers’ shooting up the Seven Sisters Road.

When I played for Walthamstow Cricket Club ten years ago, they were all Spurs fans apart from one maverick Arsenal guy and a slightly wide boy West Ham family of likeable nutters.

Anyway the Spurs fans were never convinced by Davies – and still aren’t I fancy – and I always wanted to stick my bat where their sun don’t shine by way of an educational experience, as persuasion by logic didn’t seem possible. I just got funny looks when I told them he was bloody fantastic.

But that would’ve been a waste of a bat. And not good for team spirit.

But Given the wretched state of geopolitics right now, he’s clearly the man to resolve just about anything, including Spurs’ dreadful season, if only they could trust him.

Get him to advise the Oval Office oafs. World peace just a goal-line clearance away.

I figured it was his first goal for Wales but on checking it was his third, the others against Belarus and Gibraltar. 15 goals all told, which was a surprise.

Are you listening Walthamstow, Tottenham, White House and beyond?

Ben is God. Period.

And maybe after eight qualifiers, if we get there and if there is a US to have a World Cup in (just give it Canada), this will be THE moment we look back on and say : that was the key.

Ben, improbably, may be the new, inverted Gareth Bale.

It sounds stupid, but then, 30-odd years of watching Wales has been a largely stupid enterprise, studded with idiotic barking tonto incidents. So, all of a piece.

Anyway, we’re off. Cork inserted in bums to stop squeaks.

Thank you Ben. Please score a hat-trick on Tuesday. I mean you can anything can’t you?

This guy got there early.

I like the positivity, the endeavour involved in actually buying a replica World Cup. And then bringing it to the game when perhaps some people may have thought it a bit naff. Oh, the chutzpah! We wouldn’t have done this 20 years ago.

He was channelling Ben Davies, obviously.

Put it in your diary – July 19, 2026, New Jersey.

Ben lifts the World Cup.

Probably.