Abbott Elementary Recap: Coleman Out
As the countdown to the finale begins, Abbott Elementary returns to its central plot arc of the season as the repercussions of the under-the-table deal with Girard Creek and their slippery lawyer Miles reach an apex. While I’ve been relishing in the magic of a longer season, with episodes that give the writers and actors room to breathe and focus on making us laugh, it’s time to get back to serious business as this is a show that, above all, respects the tenants of narrative television. Coming off last week, the episode does feel a little like the winding-down period after a stern teacher tells a classroom to quiet down after goofing off, but, unfortunately for us, the season has to end somehow.
After a season-long feud rife with blackmail and negotiation on both sides, Miles and Abbott finally fostered an alliance ensuring both parties could coexist harmoniously. The clandestine pact not only brought Abbott brand-new computers, a fancy scoreboard, cozy bean bags for the library, and a slew of other goodies, but it also allowed Ava to broker better resources for other schools during the district budget meeting. This is all well and good in fantasy sitcom land, but no matter how feel-good the show is, Abbott always keeps one foot firmly in reality, and in the real world, a public school isn’t getting away with this so easily. The foreshadowing of the inevitable downfall started at the end of the district budget meeting when Ava’s nemesis, Crystal, developed suspicions about why Abbott was in a position to so graciously decline the money.
When Crystal takes it upon herself to visit the school in person, she gets Ava to accidentally reveal the connection with Girard Creek. Crystal wants in on the arrangement, but Ava isn’t about to split her pot of gold, especially after being uncharacteristically generous by sharing her above-the-board resources. The next day, O’Shon informs Ava that someone (probably Crystal) tipped off the district and they’re planning an audit in 24 hours. They questioned O’Shon, but he stayed mum as his loyalty resides with his lady. Everyone accepts the end of the grift, but Janine inspires her coworkers not to take the district interference lying down. Until days earlier, Janine, an innate goody two shoes, never took advantage of Girard Creek’s deep pockets. But, she finally gathered the courage to walk on the wild side and request electric spellers for her students, and she won’t let the district ruin their excitement surrounding the forthcoming gadgets.
Janine suggests hiding all the contraband long enough to make it through the audit, thus avoiding the district’s radar. Despite having a plan of action for the pending audit, if you ask Barbara, the entire day is cursed, starting with missing her alarm, dealing with her chronic wrist pain, and a student immediately sneezing in her face once she finally makes it to school. Then, Ava corners her to offer her more work — unpaid labor, at that! — as the replacement music teacher. Barbara, whose quote “I’m a woman of God. I do my work. I go home” has become a meme, has zero interest in taking the gig, but Ava tells her that without an instructor, the class, which has already turned into an after-school program, will cease to exist. Still, this means that Barbara would have to stay late and do more, something she believes impossible as she’s operating on an empty tank as it is. Things worsen when Janine’s plan for a truck to come and take away the contraband before the day ends so they can “look like the broke school we are in our hearts” falls through the cracks.
Gregory points out to Janine that it’s unfeasible to move so much stuff out of the school in a few hours, throwing a dig by facetiously saying Barbara and Mr. Johnson will be super helpful hauling computers and a scoreboard. Though he deals with the wrath of Mr. Johnson overhearing the jab, Gregory is right. Soon, Barbara’s bad day becomes terrible for everyone when two people from the district, accompanied by Manny, arrive early to catch the school off guard. The entire staff at Abbott takes extreme measures to hide the illicit resources and distract the higher-ups from noticing any bribery afoot. Daia and the rest of the secretaries use their coats to cover their state-of-the-art desktop computers; Ava tips off the rest of the teachers of the district’s presence by covertly sending a message via the loudspeakers; and Jacob, Melissa, Barbara, and Janine leap into action hiding all illicit materials as Ava leads the tour. Oh, and Mr. Johnson offers to “hide the white kid” before asking for bronzer.
The district representatives grow increasingly dubious about everyone’s strange attitudes, eventually shaking Ava as their compulsory chaperone while the staff runs out of places to stash the larger items. With nothing else up her sleeve, Ava suggests hiding the desktop computers in her secret bathroom in the basement. The district just barely catches them in the act as they make their way to the below-ground floor, but without any evidence, they say the only two places left to check are Ava’s office and the gym. For a moment, the staff feel confidently in the clear, until Jacob remembers that the fancy scoreboard is still hanging proudly in the gymnasium. Thinking fast on her feet, Janine grabs an old banner big enough to cover the unsanctioned donation. Melissa volunteers to climb the ladder as quickly as possible before the district makes it to the gym, accidentally stepping on Barbara’s hand in the process, validating her bad luck.
Though they successfully hid the scoreboard, amidst the mayhem of running out the clock, no one noticed that the banner Janine chose was celebrating Christmas of 2009. Mr. Johnson, who has been using his eccentricities and talent for distracting conversation to stall the district from moving quickly and efficiently through the school, swoops in once again to save the day. Instead of idly following along to yet another one of the janitor’s preposterous tales, this one about the year 2009, the representatives cut him off and escape having to go wherever the conversation was going (it had something to do with a fish being responsible for the mortgage crisis).
Right when the staff begin their goodbyes as the district apologizes for accusing them of bribery, Miles jauntily bursts through the doors with Janine’s spellers. He loudly refers to himself as “the Abbott supply fairy,” saying he’s “coming in hot with some fresh bribes for my number one scheming school.” Once aware of the district, he digs them into a further ditch by asking if they’ll start blackmailing him, too. With the entire scheme laid out and the staff caught red-handed, the district threatens to suspend any teacher taking bribes. Before anyone comes forward, Ava falls on her sword, protecting her employees by taking full responsibility for the situation, thinking that she’d merely take her suspension on the chin (a.k.a. use it as a vacation in Cabo). But the district fires her on the spot, saying the only reason they aren’t threatening termination for the teachers is because it’s hard to fire people in a union.
Shocked, the rest of the staff campaigns for reconsideration, but Manny maintains that the district has a zero-tolerance protocol for such behavior. Then, the representatives inform them that they will collect all contraband and revoke the funds allotted from the budget meeting. With nothing left to do, Ava packs up her office, allowing Janine a single tear when she’s no longer looking. Barbara chases after her boss for a final word. She says she thought this would’ve happened a lot sooner due to Ava’s selfishness, but concedes that Ava has been proving her wrong “for a long time now.” Barbara’s words allow for vulnerability between the two women and Ava admits to offering the music teacher position to Barbara as a way to reinvigorate her during this rough patch, once again proving just how good Ava is at her job.
Ava marches out of Abbott with her head high, optimistically stating that “it’s never too late to be a sugar baby.” Barbara watches her boss-turned-friend as she embarks on a new journey outside the school’s walls. To the cameras, Barbara reflects on how there aren’t guarantees in her career, “but the trick is to find a way to deal with those pesky challenges.” She goes on to say, “I’ve watched Ava step out of her comfort zone into true leadership, and I’m feeling I should follow her lead by stepping outside of mine.” The episode cuts to footage of Barbara as the new teacher of the after-school music class, a joy for one student who excitedly exclaims, “I thought I’d never get to have you as a teacher again!” Ava’s impact reverberates throughout the halls of Abbott Elementary, and I can’t wait to see how the team gets her back on her throne.
Teacher’s Notes
• Finally, here are my favorite lines from the episode:
Mr. Johnson upon seeing Ava and Janine in matching dresses: “Dr. Evil, Mini Me. Good morning!”
Miles, seeing the district representatives: “More teachers? How much do these kids need to learn? Jesus.”
Ava, replying to Crystal saying she didn’t want her scraps: “You didn’t have a problem with that in college.”