Dear Abby: Is it true that my standards are too high? These guys just don’t check the boxes
DEAR ABBY: I’m 25 years old, I have my master’s degree and work for a large technology and data company in Georgia. I make great money, live on my own and travel often.
All that being said, I am having a really hard time finding guys who match up to that. At times, I feel like I’m entertaining men who aren’t on my level.
I’d like to be “equally yoked” with my partner, but I sometimes settle because some people have told me my standards are too high.
Do you have any advice for a young woman who wants to be in a relationship, but only with a guy who checks all the boxes?
— YEARNING FOR LOVE IN ATLANTA
DEAR YEARNING: Yes. Start editing that list of yours, because limiting yourself to someone who “checks all the boxes” may make it difficult to find a partner with whom you can be “equally yoked.” And that’s no “yoke.”
DEAR ABBY: How do I politely tell people I don’t like having anyone visit me in my home?
My home is my safe haven. The energy of the outside world drains me, and I don’t want that feeling inside my home. This includes family members, friends, neighbors, church family and anyone else who might come knocking on my door.
I have anxiety and some unresolved trauma I’m working through that contributes to this. I’m happy to meet in a public place or visit someone in their home if we are both comfortable with it.
My family cannot understand why I’m like this. They think they have a right to my space simply because they are family.
I don’t mind anyone thinking I’m weird, but how do I respond without feeling like I have to explain myself?
— INTROVERT IN TENNESSEE
DEAR INTROVERT: Do not allow anyone to make you feel defensive.
If you want to get your point across, simply repeat what you told me. It is succinct, it conveys your feelings, and your feelings should be respected.
DEAR ABBY: Is it OK to grieve the loss of an ex-husband from your early 20s if you’ve been happily married to someone else for 35 years?
I’m not sure my present husband wouldn’t somehow be hurt by my feelings over the loss.
Losing my ex makes me feel bruised inside and represents the end of an era for me.
I’m already dreading the loss of my present husband. We have shared so much in our many years together.
— SENSITIVE IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SENSITIVE: Nobody lives forever, and it is a waste of time to fear the inevitable.
Because someone dies doesn’t mean the person must be evicted from our heart. People don’t necessarily “get over” the death of a loved one. Many learn to live with and manage the ache.
My experience has shown me that although death may close a chapter of our lives, it doesn’t mean another one won’t open.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.