Now Starmer wants Mugabe-style LAND GRABS on farmers to build houses for small-boat migrants… the idiot’s killing us off
TEENAGE vegetarians and socialists often say farmers should pay their taxes like everyone else, and that if they weren’t all rural halfwits, they’d be able to make a living without subsidies and government grants.
Well, after a truly calamitous week for farmers, I hope you don’t mind if I use a bit of history to explain.
After the Second World War, politicians decided that Britain should be a fairer, kinder place for hard-working people in the community. So, to make sure the sick were looked after, the National Health Service was founded.
And to ensure even the poorest in society could afford to eat, farmers were given grants and subsidies to keep our food prices down.
And it wasn’t just here. Similar schemes were introduced across the free world. And everyone was very happy.
But then along came Sir Starmer.
Farmers already knew that the basic farm payments were going but this week, with just 30 minutes’ warning, he announced that grants to farmers, who were growing food in an eco-friendly way, would end too.
So soon, Britain will become one of only three countries in the Western world where farmers get no government help at all.
And he wasn’t finished there. Because separately he announced that local councils that need land to build wind turbines or houses for the dinghy people could simply confiscate fields from farmers.
Seriously. I could wake up one morning in the very near future to be told by West Oxfordshire District Council that they now own my farm.
And how much would they pay me?
Well you know the name of the place. Diddly Squat.
Idiotic views
This is literally what happened in Zimbabwe when Robert Mugabe took over.
It is truly astonishing that it’s happening here too.
Understandably, the nation’s farmers are furious.
Because now, with no government help, the food they make will be more expensive than the subsidised alternative from abroad.
And they won’t be able to get any kind of loan to tide them over until Starmer has gone, because even a bank isn’t daft enough to lend money to a business that may be confiscated at any moment.
It is, without doubt, the end.
Farming will go the way of mining, shipbuilding and the steel plants.
Some farmers may just about be able to cling on to their land, but when they die, let’s not forget that thanks to Starmer’s idiotic views on inherited wealth, their children will have to sell up to pay the tax bill.
Understandably, the nation’s farmers are furious
Today, the farmers seem to be mobilising.
They say they’ve tried to protest calmly in recent weeks but that now it’s time to become French.
Obviously, we Brits love animals too much to burn lambs in the streets like they do in Paris.
And I’m not sure that obergruppen-fuhrer Starmer would allow people in sturdy work boots and checked shirts to spray slurry all over the Labour Party’s rural offices.
But you could burn every single avocado and every pint of almond milk that comes through a British port.
That would get their attention in Islington.
I can’t say in a national newspaper that I would support this.
But I can’t in all conscience say that I wouldn’t.
FOXES’ FOWL HABITS
I WROTE last week about how my daughter had bought me a dozen guinea fowl as a Christmas present, and how they make such a racket they were the best burglar deterrents money can buy.
Not any more, I’m afraid.
Even though they were kept behind a 6ft electrified fence, there’s only one left.
A trap camera has revealed the culprit was a fox.
I should have known, of course, because the birds weren’t eaten.
They just had their heads bitten off. And that’s a very fox thing to do.
Animal enthusiasts say foxes don’t kill for fun and that they bite the heads off their prey because they get excited and flustered.
Oh, that’s all right then.
I’ll invite them into the kitchen for a saucer of milk.
SAFE FROM SNATCH
THERE was some amazing news this week. I went to London on Tuesday and no one stole my phone.
PYLONS: A HOME TRUTH
IT’S not just farmers who are being battered by the madness in British Government at the moment.
Because this week, bacon boy Miliband – the Net Zero tsar – announced that people would get a £250 discount on their annual electricity bill if a pylon is built in their back garden.
To explain himself, he sensibly put on a hard hat and safety glasses and said that people would understand because they realise that the climate crisis is the No1 issue.
No it isn’t, you halfwit.
The No1 issue is not having a pylon in your back garden.
MOTOR RIP-OFF
THIS week, Donald Trump wondered out loud why Europeans buy so few American cars.
Well let’s see if I can answer that for you, Don.
Not long ago, after Chrysler and Mercedes merged, some accountants working for the American side of the operation discovered that Mercedes was paying five times more for the seats it fitted into its cars than Chrysler paid for the seats it fitted into theirs.
“We think you’re being ripped off,” said the Americans.
To find out what was going on, the German engineers took apart a seat that Chrysler was using and after a thorough examination, reported back to their new American partners: “No. We are not being ripped off. You are.”
ALL MUST GO
LONDON Fire Brigade has announced that all the book-exchange shelves in Tube stations must be removed because books are a fire risk.
Really? I have read many books over the years and never has one of them burst into flames.
I’m looking now at my bookcase and so far as I can see there are no wisps of smoke coming from any of the titles on display.
They’re about as on fire as the cistern in my loo.
So why can’t they be displayed in an Underground station?
If it really is because they are combustible, then surely everything else that burns must go too.
Like all the passengers’ clothes.
F1’S BOY RACERS…SOME OF THEM ARE AS OLD AS 12
THE cars that will line up on the grid in Australia this weekend for the start of the F1 season are not dramatically different from those that raced last year.
But there are many new drivers, some of whom are as old as 12.
And here’s a handy cut-out-’n’-keep guide, so you know who’s who.
Partnering George Russell at Mercedes is the Italian hotshot, Andrea Kimi Antonelli, who’s four.
Past successes include an impressive third place in the Little Tykes Grand Prix in his school playground last summer.
Next up, driving a Haas, there’s Brit Oliver Bearman, who’s known to go better after he’s been burped by his mum. And joining Alpine is Jack Doohan, aged 11, whose favourite food is a Farley’s Rusk.
In the Racing Bulls team, we now have Isack Hadjar, from France, who learned to drive by watching the Hudson Hornet in the movie Cars, and at Sauber there’s Gabriel Bortoleto, from Brazil, who’s using quick- release nappies so they can be changed during pit stops.
Who will win? Easy.
It’ll be the sixth-form boy, Max Verstappen.