The ABC sex rut is ruining relationships – are you a victim? Five quick ways to boost your bonk count
HAS your sex life been sitting dormant for too long?
We all know the initial spark can fizzle out – especially in long term relationships – but with all of us having different libidos it can often be tricky to tell if there’s a major problem.
Relationship and sex expert Kate Taylor reveals there’s a simple way to tell if the passion has well and truly worn off – by checking your ABCs.
The “ABC sex routine” could spell disaster for your relationship and a reluctance on both parties to get intimate.
She told Fabulous: “The ABC sex rut is when couples only have sex on anniversaries, birthdays and Christmas.
“So you’re looking at just four bonks per year. One anniversary, each of your birthdays, then Christmas Day.”
Research suggests most couples in the UK are still bonking once a week, which might make you panic if you do fall into the ABC trend.
Here, Kate reveals why it happens and five ways to break the spell.
Trouble Starts
The ABC rut could be renamed the “If I Must” rut.
It suggests huge reluctance. That could come from many places – one or both of you is harbouring resentment, has fallen out of love, is stressed, low on hormones (like testosterone or oestrogen, vital for libido), asexual but a good sport… The list goes on.
The important thing to ask yourself is, were we always like this? If the ABC rut is new, it has a cause.
If you were never at it like rabbits, or you’ve gradually drifted into ABC over the years, you’ve most likely just become a bit too comfortable.
1. Have more dates
Sometimes anniversaries, birthdays and Christmas are the only times a couple enjoys quality time.
It’s easy to get in the mood when you’re in a hotel half-drunk on Bailey’s, but not so easy on a wet Wednesday in March (unless that’s your birthday).
How to fix it: Start going on regular dates and you’ll create more bonk opportunities.
2. Hash it out
Most couples have unresolved issues they’ve given up trying to fix.
That creates a quiet life, but it also breeds resentment that kills your mojo.
How to fix it: Pick a problem and find a solution. You might glide into bed on a rush of relief.
3. Try XYZ sex
To keep sex interesting, it has to be as intriguing as a particularly tough Wordle.
This week, you and your partner must each go off and research a new position, technique or location to get naughty in.
How to fix it: On Saturday night, compare notes. Just thinking about novelty nookie could jump start your desire.
4. Doctor’s orders
Not a kinky roleplay suggestion; it’s a health suggestion.
Low libido is a symptom of numerous health conditions, including high blood pressure, stress, depression, and menopause, which can all be cured.
It can also be a side effect of medications.
How to fix it: Get the GP to give you a going-over, then ask your partner for a “second opinion” (yes, I meant role-play that time).
5. Make daily life sexier
They say it takes three weeks to form a new habit.
Most people start reading or running, but it might be a good idea to do it with sex so that it’s on your mind daily.
Thinking about sex in different ways can get you excited to go back to the bedroom.
How to fix it: Read erotic books, watch steamy films, listen to red-hot podcasts, only wear your scantiest underwear…
The sexier your everyday life is, the hotter the nights will be too.
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