Friends think we’re a ‘lovely, boring’ couple but we’re both having sex with other people & it saved our marriage
STRAIGHT-laced Sophie and Tom Cooper say their adventurous bedroom antics would shock their neighbours, but insist this is what keeps them together.
Handing her neighbour a slice of her famous carrot cake from the church’s charity bake stand, Sophie Cooper smiles.
She feels a surge of happiness at the cosiness of her steady, provincial life and grins proudly at husband Tom by her side.
Neighbours call them “the perfect couple”, known for always holding hands, spending weekends fundraising for the church and evenings watching history programmes.
In fact, she overheard an acquaintance whisper, “They are so lovely, if a little boring”.
Sophie laughed — she is in the throes of a lust-fuelled extramarital affair, and Tom is bedding other women.
I’ve been having an affair for five months while Tom sleeps with other women
Sophie
Children’s nurse Sophie says: “The parishioners would be horrified if they discovered the secret behind our successful marriage.
“I’m very happy that everyone thinks I’m a Stepford wife, but I’ve been having an affair with a 30-year-old for five months — while my husband sleeps with other women, too.
“It has saved our marriage.”
Sophie, 35, is not alone, with a YouGov study finding that one in five Brits admits to an affair.
She says: “When I met Tom on a dating app ten years ago, I was so in love I never imagined anything like this would happen to us.
Fiery sex
“Tom is quiet and very good-looking and I was instantly drawn to him. I was also attracted to the security that being in a relationship with this kind of man offered.
“He is the same age as me and we became best friends, soon seeing each other daily, and 18 months later moved into a beautiful house.”
Despite building the comfortable routine Sophie craved, she realised there was no passion.
She says: “We had good sex the first few times, but I wanted the intensity of a fiery sex life, as I’m very emotional.
“Tom is logical and methodical — he’s an architect and makes Lego models in his spare time — but isn’t the type to seduce you into bed.
“I tried to ignore the fact that, four months in, sex had gone down to once a month.
“Two years in, our friendship and the life we shared was fulfilling, but I found the passionate side of our relationship trying.
“I could also tell Tom was dissatisfied as he would gladly have sex two or three times a week.
“But I need romantic dates to get me in the mood. Tom’s idea of a date was a trip to a train museum followed by McDonald’s.”
Despite sex being off kilter, Tom was keen to settle down.
Sophie says: “After five years I came home after a nightshift and Tom sent our dog, Charlie, over with a diamond ring attached to his collar.
“Saying ‘yes’ to the proposal, I knew I was signing up to a life of no passion, but it was more important to me to have the security I felt marriage would bring. But days before we married in July 2022, I panicked that I couldn’t handle a life of missionary-style sex once a month.
“I blurted out, ‘Would you forgive me if I had an affair?’.
“He thought carefully about it, before saying, ‘Yes, but I couldn’t forgive you for lying’.
“I was so upset as I’d wanted him to say he’d be devastated. I started to worry that he didn’t fancy me at all.
“We never spoke about it again and, two weeks later, we had a beautiful wedding.”
After the big day, things felt flatter than ever.
“We were more flatmates than newlyweds,” Sophie laments.
“Tom has a higher sex drive than me, and I know we weren’t having as much sex as he needed. I’m told that I’m a good-looking woman, but I need to feel desired.
“In January 2023, six months had gone by and I couldn’t be intimate as I felt he didn’t desire me. I thought about having an affair, but couldn’t bear the thought of lying. So I decided to speak to Tom. I told him, ‘I need more than you can give me. I want to see other people’.
“He was shocked, but was there for me. He offered, ‘Maybe this is something that could work for both of us?’.
“He explained he wanted more sex, that I wanted more romance, but we can’t give that to each other.
“We chatted into the night, working out ground rules that included never bringing anyone home, and not telling each other details afterwards.
“We signed up for dating apps the next day and, within a week, Tom met someone. I felt relieved he might meet someone who could satisfy his sex drive. Since then, he’s casually hooked up with a few women.
“I wanted to find someone unhappy in their marriage and wanting romance, so I signed up for Illicit Encounters, that only caters for married people.
“I started chatting to an accountant, Rob, who is 40, and after two weeks we arranged to meet in a town two hours away. Tom was happy for me, but he did make me send him a picture of the man and his number for safety reasons.
“I enjoyed being wined and dined, before having an amazing romp in a hotel room. The sex felt so natural.
“I had a passion-fuelled three months with Rob, and got to cuddle up to my lovely husband at night. I never wanted to leave Tom. I love my husband and know marriage isn’t just about passion.
“Rob lived hours away and it petered out. In October last year, I started seeing another married man, Josh.
“We see each other fortnightly, he treats me like a princess and then we make love in a hotel room. It’s made my marriage stronger than ever. Tom and I talk more, but I don’t need to put him under pressure to make me feel sexy — I get that need fulfilled elsewhere.
I don’t see us divorcing, but can’t see us giving up sleeping with other people
Sophie
“We don’t feel under pressure, so when we do sleep together every few weeks, it’s much better than it was.
“I don’t ever see us divorcing, but can’t see us giving up sleeping with other people.
“Our friends and family would be horrified if they knew. They see us as completely straight-laced, even poking fun at Tom for his boring hobbies. It’s exciting that we have our saucy secret.
“After we have enjoyed the hikes in the countryside that our family giggle at for being so boring, we’ll spend the evening having sex with other people. The old ladies at church would be horrified.
“When colleagues ask what I’ve been up to over the weekend, I relish making up a story about watching a TV drama together, knowing that I’ve been ravished by a man who isn’t my husband.
“My future is with Tom. We don’t have children, but we hope it’s on the cards soon.
“We have the kind of relationship that would be a wonderful basis for a family unit. I don’t think there’s anything wrong carrying on as we are.”