I don’t like my son going to football with his cheating dad after our break-up
DEAR DEIDRE: I FEEL my son is being disloyal by enjoying lunches and football matches with his dad.
I’m 50, my son is 25 and his sister is 23.
Their father and I split up 15 years ago when I discovered he’d been having a long-running affair.
The divorce was extremely acrimonious and I was signed off work with stress.
It was hard to see my ex living in a nice house with his girlfriend – the woman he’d cheated on with me – when I was struggling to feed his kids on just £7 a week child support.
But I still encouraged them to see their dad as often as they wanted.
My son only visited him once. He found it too upsetting so he never went back.
My daughter stayed at my ex’s house every other weekend for a year.
One day she came to me in tears, saying she wanted to stop going.
She said her dad’s girlfriend was shouting, swearing and threatening her every time her dad left the room.
I have just found out that my son has started seeing his dad again and he’s even taken his own girlfriend round there for food on a Sunday with his dad. I feel quite upset.
My son doesn’t appear to have much loyalty towards his sister and I in terms of how we were treated.
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s important to allow your children to have their own independent relationships with their dad.
As long as there are no safeguarding issues, it is actually better for children’s self-esteem and confidence to be able to spend time with both parents.
I do understand why it is upsetting for you but your son is an adult and can decide for himself who he wants in his life.
Perhaps he decided that this relationship is important to him, despite what happened in the past.
It may be best to accept the situation.
You’re still his mum and have been a constant throughout his life, so do try to hang on to that.
He is not going to abandon you because he’s now in touch with his dad.
My support pack, When Parents Fall Out, explains how children are affected in these situations, no matter how old they are.
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