Dear Abby: Sister thinks she’s competing with my fiancee for my love
DEAR ABBY: My younger sister and I were close growing up. We didn't have many friends, but we were always willing to play games and have fun with each other. At one point, my sister said she wanted to marry me when we grew up. I didn't think much of it because we were still kids, and I figured she didn't know there were different types of love.
As we grew older, we did make our own friends, and today I'm engaged to my longtime girlfriend. My sister and my fiancee got along great during the years we were still just "boyfriend and girlfriend," but after we announced our engagement, my sister became hostile.
As it turns out, my sister took her intention to marry me seriously, and even as we got older and she understood the difference between familial and romantic love, she carried a torch for me well into her teens.
I would like my little sister to be part of the wedding because of how important she's been to me, but she stubbornly insists on "winning me back" from my fiancee. Is there a way to explain the reality of this situation, or are our sibling bonds done for good? — TERRIFIED SIBLING IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR TERRIFIED: Your sister is in need of the services of a mental health professional to rid herself of her fixation on you. She should NOT be part of your wedding because her presence under the circumstances could be disruptive. If she attends at all, someone should be assigned to remove her if she becomes disruptive. Perhaps your sibling bond can be reestablished later, but don't bank on it.
DEAR ABBY: I am dating a man I'll call Lionel. He's living with me temporarily (and paying half the rent) while I get back on my feet because I was recently laid off.
Lionel was previously in an 18-year relationship that ended three years ago when his ex threw him out. She still asks him to pay for things, including an $1,800 credit card bill she ran up. He tells me he's "obliged" to do it, which makes me suspect he's still in love with her. Although Lionel claims he loves me, he still does things like this for her. I'm not sure what to think, and I'm no longer sure I should be with him. Am I wrong for being upset? — PERPLEXED IN NEVADA
DEAR PERPLEXED: Lionel seems to be a generous person. If he is living with you to ease your financial burden since the layoff, I think you should be grateful. I don't know why he feels obligated to pay off his ex's credit card bill, and you didn't mention the reason.
Calmly discuss this with him before deciding whether this is worth ending the relationship over. If it's a one-time thing, let it slide at least until you find another job. However, if he is forever tied to the woman, find another roommate.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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