Deal or No Deal Island Recap: Fire at (Dr.) Will
I’m just going to come out and say I’m sick of Dr. Will. It’s been, like, two episodes, and already, he’s sucked up all the energy on this Deal or No Deal island, turning what promised to be a silly, relaxing vacation into a monsoon of chaos. Everyone hates him, and even worse, he wants everyone to hate him. This is all Part of the Plan — one gamer’s scheme to make the show all about him. Let’s just hope he’s not as good as he thinks he is.
Each week, we get a few minutes hanging around with the cast before their excursion. It’s a small but precious window into island life when bonds are made and broken. Dr. Will, a Big Brother legend, knows as well as any gamer that now is the time to strike subtle but decisive blows. Unfortunately for our favorite “Black Widow,” Parvati, Will “accidentally” reveals to the group that she’s Survivor royalty. Whether or not the good doctor has also clocked his other famous competitor, Australian Survivor “Golden God” David Genat, remains to be seen. Maybe he’ll let that one slip over breakfast next week?
Parvati likely knew this day would come, and honestly, Dr. Will’s maneuver probably saved her some skepticism down the line. Every time someone’s recognized her over the past few weeks, she’s let them believe they’re the only one who knows. It’s a smart way to build trust fast, but it could have backfired if anyone had compared notes. Still, Parv turns the charm dial up to 11 this week by leading a group yoga class and pretending not to hate it when Dr. Will shows up. Namaste. It’s not just Parvati, either. You’d think C.K. would be flying high after sending Sydnee home last week, but nope! She’s moved right on to setting her sights on Will and his eerily poreless skin.
The Dr. Will Show continues into this week’s excursion — in which our players split into two teams to dig briefcases out of giant sandcastles scattered along a jungle path.
At the start of the competition, each team is tied together and can only free one person at a time. One player must convince the others to free them first. First out the gate for their teams are David and Phillip, and while everyone else sprints as fast as they can after them, Dr. Will decides to take the path nice and slow. Whatever these games seem to want from him, he tells us, he’s gonna do the opposite. In this case, that means walking along the path and somehow still nabbing the $1.22 million briefcase. Annoying!
Phillip, who actually cursed us with Dr. Will’s presence by nabbing the Banker’s Bonus last week along with Parvati, goes straight for the bonus again — which becomes important when everyone reconvenes to open their briefcases. It turns out the teams were irrelevant from the moment the players took off running. One by one, as contestants reach the finish line with their cases, they must pair off to try and secure the highest case total. Parvati and Phillip team up again, and this time, they discover the Banker’s Bonus contains a “Split,” which means they can sever any team, making their individual case values their “totals.”
Whichever two teams, paired or solo, score lowest are at risk of facing the banker, and only the team with the highest case total (plus Parvati and Phillip) will be safe from elimination. Cue yet another moment that makes me wonder if C.K. really has what it takes to win this game.
The minute our host, Joe Manganiello, tells the group what’s what, C.K. zooms over to Parvati and Phillip, urging them to split up Rock (who just, like, last week grabbed a crappy case) and Alexis, who has once again grabbed an extremely good case. Because Rock wanted to face the banker last week, C.K. figures it makes sense to leave him eligible this week. The strategy is sound, but her approach is so aggressive that it takes even Parvati aback. I admire any woman who readily speaks her mind, but I worry that C.K. can’t keep her cards close enough to the vest.
In the end, Phillip and Parvati split Rock and Lete, which leaves Rock with a measly $820,000 total. Naturally, he’s in the bottom. Alongside him are Seychelle and La Shell, whose team total doesn’t even scratch $2 million. C.K. and M.G. come out on top with $6.725 million between them, and though it’s worth nothing more than bragging rights, it’s notable that Lete scored the highest single case value of $4 million. Her offer to pair up with Rock speaks to her generosity in a game where that’s not always the obvious move. I’ve said it before, and now, I’m saying it again: She really could be a contender for the final briefcase.
The path forward from here is obvious: Rock will face the banker. Between the Survivor reveal and sending one of the island’s most personable players to meet his maker, Parvati’s feeling vulnerable — so she makes sure to let us all know that she regrets taking C.K.’s advice. It’s a sob story as old as sand: Why, oh why did poor Parvati listen to that mean, mean suggestion? Phillip spots the manipulation but keeps quiet because he, too, knows how these games are won and lost.
Once everyone finds out that Rock is officially in the hot seat, they all take turns cozying up to him to make sure that if he wins, he won’t choose them for elimination. The most hilarious of these last-minute pleas comes from Seychelle, who calls Rock a “simpleton” behind his back and “my love” to his face. Dr. Will, meanwhile, says the quiet part out loud: If Rock keeps him around, he’ll watch his back.
Rock might not be a very strong player on these excursions, but he’s not stupid. “The vibe at camp is like cockroaches in the middle of the night,” he says. “Turning on the lights, they were just scrambling.”
This week’s round of Deal or No Deal is tragic in more ways than one. After weeks of lackluster gameplay and limited screen time, Rock really brought the yeehaw energy this week. (Literally, he yelped enough to make me think he’s from Texas when a quick Google search reveals that he is, in fact, from Nevada.) Even sadder, however, is the nature of Rock’s deal-making demise.
In his first round, Rock somehow manages to knock four (yes, FOUR) seven-figure cases off the board. It’s unbelievable. It’s untenable. It’s utterly ridiculous. The banker offers $133,000, and if it were me, I’d have taken it and hoped never to be seen by another human soul again. By some miracle, however, Rock bravely refuses the deal and turns things around by cutting three low-value cases. But then? Oh, then. He selects the $2.925 million case, leaving only one high-value case on the board. Defeated by the odds, he takes the banker’s $250,000 offer even though, like so many players before him, he knows — just knows — that he does have the high-value case in his hand.
Usually, players are wrong about this. Usually, they’ve got, like, $5. But not this time. This time, Rock did have the $1.34 million case — which means that $250,000 was a bad deal. It’s time to go home. He takes it like a champ, but damn, I’d be sobbing. He clearly understands that there are more important things in this life than game-show money and that money (supposedly) cannot buy happiness, but as Seychelle said earlier this week, “I would rather cry in a Lambo.”
Island Power Rankings
See you all next week!