‘Boat ownership is a wildly impractical love affair, and gets complicated when you’re smitten’ – Nikki Henderson

Boat love is like any love: expensive, time consuming, and utterly hypnotic. And I have a problem. I have fallen in love with a boat.

Being a professional sailor, I realise how stupid this is, and I really should know better. From working for owners and using their credit cards to pay the bills, I know full well that the saying ‘owning a boat is like standing in a shower and ripping up bank notes’ rings true.

I’ve now learned that process begins right at the purchase stage, because apparently it’s a rite of passage to buy a boat that’s triple your original budget…

Like any sensible sailor, I called upon the advice of trusted friends, colleagues and clients. Should I buy the boat? Am I crazy?

Naturally, I picked my advisers carefully: all people who would say ‘YES!’ Romantics, who don’t care for details. Remortgage my house? Sure! Spend a significant proportion of my income on berthing fees? Dreams are priceless!

Boat infatuation is intoxicating. I’m coming to realise that buying a boat is like embarking on a new relationship. The first stage is the dreamy honeymoon phase. Your love can do no wrong! Even their flaws are endearing. Looking up at the deckhead, I saw some water damage. “Hmm, it looks like the deck is leaking. I’d probably enjoy replacing the teak.” Right…

What happens next? The sugar coating will wear thin. Flaws become irritating, infuriating. Lesson 1: just like people we can’t expect boats to change. Especially older ones – they really get stuck in their ways.

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So, the second stage is one of realisation. Realising that her slow acceleration upwind wasn’t just a bad day; it’s who she fundamentally is. Understanding that she will never be as tidy as you want her to be. And, disappointingly, she will always – always – groan and creak in her sleep at anchor.

From realisation to withdrawal. After a time, all those flaws are going to feel too overwhelming to cope with. Maybe you made a bad call? You want out? You might be getting frustrated, angry even. But you’ve committed now. There’s no easy ‘out’. No-one wants to buy an unloved boat. So, defeated, you’ll resort to apathy.

“How’s the boat going?” your enthusiastic advisers will enquire, excited at the prospect of onboard sailing holidays (the real reason they all encouraged you to buy the boat).

“Don’t even ask,” you reply, as you dream of dry earth, a house far from the sea, possibly becoming a farmer…

So why go through this pain and misery? There are thousands of repeat offenders, who are into their second, third, even fourth boat marriage. There must be a good reason? Ah, the final stage: true love. To pull in another cliché: ‘stormy seas make better sailors’.

The conflict, the aggravation, possibly depression, are all a necessary and unavoidable part of the process. If you do it right, out of fury emerges an honest acceptance of one another and a sense of deep almost connection and love. Now you have the boat of your dreams.

But dreams are never quite as imagined. The final stage: heartbreak. You lie awake at night worrying about her in a storm. You feel guilty for not maintaining her better. You reluctantly have to say no to other opportunities to spend time with her. She’ll be a tether, constantly pulling on your heart strings. And for many, many people this all gets too much to handle. And the boat goes up for sale.

So, if the economics of a boat never add up. If owning a boat is painful, slow and full of bad surprises. If there is an exceptionally high neglect and divorce rate, then why buy a boat? Why risk the heartache?

If you’re reading this you probably share my dream of sailing off into the sunset – perhaps on your own yacht. But is it worth it?

In the end, to buy a boat or not comes down to the ‘why’. The ‘why’ must be greater than all the costs. And those costs are great. So identify what that reason is. What are your deep psychological needs that a boat can fulfil? For me, it’s freedom, adventure, and beauty.

I hope the boat I end up buying will align with my values, help me be my best self, and be an extension of my soul. So, ask yourself: why? And if you have an answer, if it comes from a passion that runs deep in your veins, then welcome to the club. We share the same problem!

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