I’ve fallen for my therapist after boyfriend dumped me – do I stand a chance with him?
DEAR DEIDRE: I’M in love with my therapist but can’t talk to any of my friends about it because they will just think I am being stupid.
It started after I met him while experiencing issues at work, and then my boyfriend dumped me.
My bosses kept piling task after task on me and I was told that this was what I should expect if I wanted to succeed. I’m 31 and a legal secretary.
When my mum could see the toll it was taking on my mental health, she suggested I make use of counselling services offered through the Employee Assistance Programme.
The sessions were intensive cognitive behavioural therapy, but I was to be guided by a counsellor.
From the moment he popped up on my screen, I couldn’t believe my luck — he was gorgeous.
He understood my worries, he was kind and empathetic and he spoke from his heart. He cared about me.
I began to miss him as soon as our sessions were over and couldn’t wait for the next one a week later.
I’ve found him on social media and can see he’s 40. I want to send him a private message.
I keep thinking how nice he is to me, which I’ve never had from a man before. I think about how natural our conversations are and that he genuinely cares.
I realise it sounds ridiculous. I don’t know him at all, but I go weak at the knees just thinking about him.
Do you think we have a chance of being together?
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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry, I don’t. He’s a professional and his role is to be kind and show you empathy. That’s his job.
Having a relationship with a client would be breaking the counselling code of ethics and he would be struck off if it ever got that far.
You won’t be the first or the last person to fall for their therapist.
In sessions you are divulging your innermost thoughts to somebody you don’t know, so that relationship is special. But it must remain professional.
If you can’t continue to see him and keep your emotions and integrity intact, then tell him the meetings aren’t working and find another counsellor.
When you’re ready to date again, my support pack, called Finding The Right Partner For You, will help you to see that many people waiting for a relationship, just as you are, can be kind and caring like your therapist.
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