Jesus, Dad: 39 Ways Dad Fucked Up When He Hung The TV On The Wall
Well, shit. Dad insisted that he mount his new $2500 75 inch LG TV himself instead of paying Geek Squad $250 to do it (something about them “refusing to give a friend of his an email address”), and he managed to fuck it up in no fewer than 39 different ways. Here they all are.
- TV is very soggy
- TV is facing wrong way (towards wall)
- TV is somehow both too high and too low
- TV is perfectly diagonal
- TV is mounted behind old TV
- TV is 40 yards from couch
- Threw away remote control because he “mostly watches CBS”
- Tried to incorporate TV into his taxidermy by “making the TV the deer head’s body”
- TV is hung using nothing but glue
- TV is still in box
- Engraved his name and phone number in TV screen
- TV is slowly rotating
- TV making buzzing/puking sounds
- Bird trapped inside TV
- Sanded down TV’s corners “for safety”
- Somehow hung TV in way that created major beef with the entire neighborhood and his HOA
- Seriously damaged both retinas while adjusting the brightness
- Refused help while taking it up ladder and fell off at least six times that we know of
- Sprayed the entire TV down with WD-40
- Got the screen autographed by one of the Three Stooges’ grandkids
- Installed a complex and completely unnecessary ventilation system for the TV
- TV is over 400 feet from nearest outlet
- Punched a hole in the TV every time his power drill battery died
- Relied on a TV installation video he found on PornHub
- Removed the screen thinking it was packaging material
- Realized he had already installed the exact same TV three feet away
- Illegally filled in 30 acres of protected wetlands
- Pierced several gas lines
- Repeatedly tried to staple the TV
- Sawed off own finger to escape after it was wrapped up in power cord
- Accidentally ordered $67,000 worth of UFC pay-per-views while trying to set clock
- Pants belt loop snagged on TV and pulled it off wall as he walked away after six days of working on getting it up
- Long strip of toilet paper hanging off TV
- Only audio coming from TV speaker is a distorted Christian radio broadcast from the 1960s
- Glued HDMI ports shut to “keep rodents out”
- Became so overwhelmed trying to understand the various picture modes that he had to spend 14 days in a mental hospital
- Mom left him after overhearing him angrily call his screwdriver the R word over 400 times
- Repeatedly called the cops on the TV
- Ultimately took it down and returned it because the motion wasn’t smooth enough