Open Marriage FTW: Even Though The Intermediate Sex Position He Tried With His New Partner Didn’t Work Last Night, The Ugliest Guy In This Office Still In A Noticeably Good Mood From The Experience Of Giving It A Shot
Non-monogamous relationships are on the rise, and it seems like the trend is paying off big time for this man: Even though the intermediate sex position he tried with his new partner didn’t work last night, the ugliest guy in this office is still in a noticeably good mood from the experience of giving it a shot.
Boom. Another win for open marriage!
When 38-year-old Kyle Dubyck opened up his marriage last fall at his wife’s suggestion, he was a little wary. Fortunately though, the experience has proved quite positive, and when his new partner Claudette suggested they try a sex position called “The Wheelbarrow” last night, Kyle quickly agreed. Although the position did not work out, Kyle sauntered into work this morning flashing an ear-to-ear smile at his 60 coworkers, all of whom are more attractive than him, knowing that despite the fact that successfully performing the position would have meant entering Claudette while he held up her legs like a wheelbarrow (not just holding up her legs, ejaculating outside of her, then dropping her leg onto his wrist), what truly matters is that he gave it a try and had a nice night with a beautiful burlesque teacher.
And to think some people claim monogamy is the only way to have a relationship!
Later this morning, when Kyle walked around the office kitchen with his coffee mug, purposefully holding it with his hand that’s covered in an Ace bandage so someone would ask what happened to him and he’d get to reply, “I can’t go into detail, but let’s just say someone special will need her bandage back soon,”—a line that’s pretty inscrutable yet one he’d rehearsed on the bus ride over—he didn’t even get down when no one took the bait. He was too excited over the sheer amount of new experiences he’d managed to have on a single weeknight to let his coworkers’ disinterest dull his spirits. After all, it was just 12 hours before that he had a watermelon gose at a gastropub, saw his city from the incredible 18th floor windows in Claudette’s high rise apartment—which is actually super spacious for a studio!—and tried a sex position he first learned about in a Rapunzel porn parody over 25 years ago. That’s pretty impressive for a Tuesday.
Well, congrats to Kyle! Seems like he’s going to have no problem banging out his RFPs today with the positive attitude he’s got going on. This incredible story just goes to show you that opening your marriage can be a beautiful thing. Nice!