My phobia of water made me feel I would die & I hated beach days with kids… now I jump off cliffs after miracle cure
OVERWHELMED with panic and struggling to draw breath under a heap of panic, Tracey Rice was almost certain this was how she was going to die.
She only hoped her twin sons would be proud of her knowing she died confronting her greatest fear – open water.
In a chat with The Sun, the 50-year-old explains: “Oh my God, that feeling. I couldn’t breathe, I had chest pains and I just thought ‘This is it.’
“At least my kids would know I died trying and they would know I did everything I could for them. But I thought it was time for me to go and it’s just the most awful feeling.”
In a new Channel 4 show, The Fear Clinic: Face Your Phobia, Tracey, desperate to find a solution to her fear, let a team of professionals guide her to overcome it.
Tracey’s phobia, which began at the age of 17, had gripped her so badly that it affected many aspects of her life – including being a mum to her boys.
She says: “Seeing open water, I would start to feel sick. My mouth would start to dry out and I would start to shake uncontrollably. My feet wouldn’t move. I would literally be grounded.
“I couldn’t look at the water and I’d go into a total state of panic just by going near the water. Once I had the children it was really difficult because my kids were water babies.
“They absolutely loved the water. When we went on holiday abroad or took them to the beach, I couldn’t take part in those milestone memories with them because I couldn’t go near the water.
“It was awful. I just felt I couldn’t be a complete mum and I didn’t want them to have my fear. I used to give the kids excuses all the time.
“I would tell them I had a cold and couldn’t go in the water or I have a cut on my foot or I need to go get ice cream.”
But as her kids got older, Tracey realised the excuses were just not good enough and came clean to them.
“I sat them down and explained to them how I felt around water and told them I wasn’t going to let it stop me so they just needed to give me some time and I’ll be okay.”
From that moment on, Tracey tried to push herself further anytime she went near open water with the kids.
On holiday, she’d try to go on boat trips with the family.
She says: “My husband was very good at knowing what to do to keep them away from seeing my reaction to the water.
“There would be hundreds of people – some hanging over the sides and people jumping in the water.
“And I’d literally just be white-knuckled – hanging on to anything throughout the whole thing.”
Tracey’s fear is known as thalassophobia. Sufferers are fearful of the ocean and large bodies of water.
Facing the fear
Tracey’s urge to seek help for her fear was heightened when she and her family moved to the South Coast in May 2021 – there was now no way she could escape the open water.
But Tracey, from Croydon in South London, knew she had to put her own fears aside to make the move for her kids.
“Croydon is my heart and soul but my kids struggle socially”, she explains. “I just felt they were not going to be able to have the childhood I wanted for them in Croydon.
“They absolutely love the water so when we asked them where they would like to move to, they said near the sea. Of course, that was my worst nightmare but I had to do it for the kids.
“At the time, I just thought I had to get on with it. It was the one thing about me that needed to be fixed and by forcing myself to move, it would force me to get it sorted.
“We moved to West Sussex and now water is their life. That’s where they spend most of their time. We are close to the most amazing beaches and they go down there with their friends.”
I couldn’t breathe, I had chest pains and I just thought ‘This is it. At least my kids would know I died trying and they would know I did everything I could for them
Tracey
When Tracey was presented with the chance to appear on the show to get treatment for her phobia, she knew it was an opportunity she could not pass on.
“There was no question. I had tried everything and nothing was working”, she says. “I had no hesitation. I had been out on boat trips and tried to go out in the sea as well.”
When the time came for Tracey to go out into the open water in October 2023 to face her fears, her worries began to creep in once again.
She says: “I was petrified. I was absolutely in pieces. But in my head, this was my one opportunity to turn this around. It was the North Sea, with all the gray and the darkness, not the Bahamas.
Phobias in the UK
ACCORDING to the NHS, phobias are the most common forms of social anxiety.
In the UK, an estimated 10million people live with phobias.
Anyone can be affected regardless of their race, gender, or cultural background.
The NHS says phobias can be so bad that a person may organise their life just to avoid what they are fearful of.
In 2023, a YouGov survey asked Brits about their phobias to get a gauge on the top 10 fears people in the country have.
The fear of heights, or acrophobia came out on top. 23% of Brits said they suffer from the phobia.
Five in ten Brits also said they suffer from arachnophobia, which is the fear of spiders.
The fear of public speaking and snakes also feature high up in the poll.
Other fears include going to the dentist, flying on a plane, needles, clowns, and dogs.
“We got on this little boat and all I could do was tell myself not to open my mouth. If I had done that, I would have told them I wanted to stop. I had my lips and my teeth clenched as tightly as I possibly could so I didn’t open my mouth.
“I knew if I said stop, I would have given up, I’d never get this chance again.
“When the boat went out, it seemed to me that we were going miles and miles. Obviously, the treatment process is to push you as far into your fear as possible.
“When I got into the water the sea felt really rough. I felt like I was being thrown around in these big waves – it felt enormous. And then something switched and the water was dead calm.”
Fear aftermath
After going through the treatment, Tracey was astonished to find that her fears had disappeared in the subsequent weeks and months.
She has even been able to do some water activities with her family.
“We’ve done so much”, Tracey says. “I had the treatment in October and on the Boxing Day after that, my neighbours and I went for an open water swim to Hayling Island.
“I’ve been on a cruise and I’ve jumped off the cliffs of Cornwall into the water. I’ve been kayaking, and I have absolutely loved all those things.
“The treatment is not just for phobias. It could be for so many different things. It’s all about mapping your neuro pathway. It’s phenomenal.”
For Tracey, Merel Kindt, the professional who led her treatment, gets all the credit for finally helping her overcome her fear.
Through her extensive scientific research into phobias, Merel, from the University of Amsterdam, can eliminate fear with just one treatment.
Tracey says: “She put so much trust in me and herself that this was going to work. She was so patient and she just knew exactly what to say and what to do at the right time.
“It’s all down to Merel. I owe her absolutely everything. If it had gone the other way, I’d have had to move back to Croydon because I wouldn’t be able to go near the water at all.”
Tracey’s children are now over the moon that their mother can now share their passion for the water.
“To hear them say ‘I’m so proud of you, Mum’. I can’t describe that feeling. To have me in there just splashing around and messing around with them, they were just so proud.
“And that’s exactly what it’s for.”
The Fear Clinic: Face Your Ohobia airs from 21st January at 8pm on Channel 4